The “Hi, Bi Guy” series explores issues specific to bi guys—although if you’re not a bi guy, you might learn something too!—from the empathetic, kind, personal experience of Adam England, our resident Bi Guy. This column explores topics ranging from the logistics of dating guys for the first time to navigating bi erasure.
Some personal staff favorites include…
Hi, Bi Guy: Feeling Like You Aren’t Bi Enough
Adam writes about an experience that feels aching familiar to so many of our visitors: Imposter syndrome, or being surrounded by messaging that you need to be at last this bi to ride this ride.
Biphobia is still so prevalent, both in cishet and queer communities, that being straight-passing can come with a sting. If you’re bi, a feeling pervades that you almost need to prove it—for me as a bi man, that would likely mean me dating another guy—and, if not, you’re only saying that you’re bi to be different, or because it’s trendy. Bi men are seen as gay but in denial, while bi women are seen as straight but going through a phase, because of course attraction to men is considered the default.
People think some truly wild things about bisexual people, especially bisexual men. Adam runs down a list of the most common and gives you the facts. Whether you’re questioning some things about yourself or trying to push back on comments from people around you, this post is super helpful, debunking things like “coming out will ruin your relationship.”
Plenty of people in relationships will come out as bi to their partner and go on to continue enjoying a happy relationship. In fact, coming out as bi to your partner may actually help to build trust between the two of you. Rather than harming the relationship, it could potentially help to deepen it further, and make it stronger.
Hi, Bi Guy: How to Navigate College
One we hand out frequently around August when people are headed off to school! Adam has some advice on everything from roommates to finding your people…and finding ways to deal with issues like biphobia in your new friend group.
There’s also a chance that you might encounter biphobia at college—even from new friends—and how you handle this is up to you. Even if you really want to make friends with someone or be accepted by them, you might regret letting biphobia slide further down the line. Is it worth putting up with it just for the sake of having friends, rather than calling it out or finding other people to hang out with?
Because college brings together people from all sorts of homes and backgrounds, there will be people who haven’t spent a lot of time with (at least, ‘out’) LGBTQ+ people before. So, even people who mean well may say things we know to be biphobic or homophobic without realising they’re inaccurate or without meaning to be malicious.
Want to read the rest of the series? You can access the index at the top of this article. We’re always updating this long-running series, and if you’re a bi guy looking for a little extra support, check out our direct services…or send in an advice question.
