Abuse

Whether a person is having issues with trust due to sexual abuse or any other reason under the sun, I really like how Staci Haines, in The Survivor’s Guide to Sex, concisely outlines three basic factors for trust. She talks about competency, consistency over time, and congruency between words and…

Before I say anything else, I want to be sure to connect you with a couple of avenues for help because I am very concerned about the state you’re in right now. Clearly – and it’s really common for this to happen – seeing your rapist has triggered a lot for you and clearly, you are in a state of…

He may be older but he’s not wiser, and he’s not acting like a grownup. He doesn’t want to grow up, which is part of why he’s dating people he perceives as not grownup themselves. He also doesn’t have the bad stuff that happens to you because of him happen to him to make him want to change: if he was in your shoes, he’d ditch him in a heartbeat.

Erin’s question continued And I said it wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but that I should at least wait until I get on birth control or something. And he started begging, so I said we could do anything except for that. And then he told me nothing else would be good enough, and got really angry and…

HurtandUsed’s question continued He then went and put his hands down my pants and started touching me there. I wanted to say no, but I couldn’t because I was afraid he would get mad or break up with me. He then went and grabbed my hand and put my hand down his pants. I pulled my hand away but he…

Sara continues: …At first I was reading all sorts of tantra books and preparing myself for wonderful sexual experiences, but then the guys around me started taking advantage of my blossoming sexuality, and my first mostly committed relationship was to a guy who told me years later that he had been…

Let me start by just filling you in on some realities of rape. Most rapes do not occur with strangers unknown to the people they rape. They occur with people known to a victim: a friend, a neighbor, a spouse, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a family member. Stranger rape only accounts for around 25% of…

It sounds to me like your best bet would just be getting away from this dope. You’re noticing changes in his behavior: he doesn’t seem to be as sweet and nice anymore. Despite making clear that you’re just not comfortable having any kind of sex with him, he’s pushing it and also seems to be trying…

(Jasmine’s question continued)I have no idea what to do. I mean it is just a little money…we’ve already had sex and now we understand that he want to be together for ever. He even told his parents about me, which was hard because they are as strict as hell. But I don’t want to give him anything…

Abba: this isn’t an odd question at all, and we do counsel users with rape and sexual abuse quite often. I’m also a survivor of rape and sexual abuse myself. Rape is a violent crime, and it is normal for any of us to experience trauma from a violent crime being committed to, on or inside of us. It’s…