Abuse

It’s absolutely normal to feel unsafe with someone who has demonstrated that you are not safe with them. After all, if I told you I didn’t feel safe having someone over for dinner who mugged me last week, you’d hardly be surprised. It’s also absolutely normal not to feel sexual with someone who hasn…

I’m so sorry you had to experience a rape. But I’m glad you survived it and very glad you feel able to ask for help and support. The vagina can’t really be “broken.” A person with a vagina can sustain injuries to their genitals – via rape, consensual sex, intentional genital mutilation, childbirth…

It’s understandable that you’re feeling pretty overwhelmed and confused about this new information you’ve received about your boyfriend’s history and experiences. Learning of multiple sexual assaults in someone’s history is no small thing and can certainly change your outlook on your relationship…

When we have any kind of trauma, we don’t tend to heal by blocking it out. Of course, we generally cannot simply “block out” memories by sheer force of will in the first place. But it’s certainly common to wish we could. By all means, you had extremely poor care at the hospital – I hate even…

It was my personal mission to break the silence, not just for myself but for others who were not yet ready to speak about their sexual assaults.

For folks who have experienced any kind of sexual violation–including medical experiences that have felt violating–it makes some sense that you might have anxiety or fear about pursuing further care. I don’t know that I have The Answer for you when it comes to how to best manage this, but I do…

Whether a person is having issues with trust due to sexual abuse or any other reason under the sun, I really like how Staci Haines, in The Survivor’s Guide to Sex, concisely outlines three basic factors for trust. She talks about competency, consistency over time, and congruency between words and…

Before I say anything else, I want to be sure to connect you with a couple of avenues for help because I am very concerned about the state you’re in right now. Clearly – and it’s really common for this to happen – seeing your rapist has triggered a lot for you and clearly, you are in a state of…

He may be older but he’s not wiser, and he’s not acting like a grownup. He doesn’t want to grow up, which is part of why he’s dating people he perceives as not grownup themselves. He also doesn’t have the bad stuff that happens to you because of him happen to him to make him want to change: if he was in your shoes, he’d ditch him in a heartbeat.

Erin’s question continued And I said it wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but that I should at least wait until I get on birth control or something. And he started begging, so I said we could do anything except for that. And then he told me nothing else would be good enough, and got really angry and…