As a homeless young person, particularly if your experience has included running away, one of your biggest fears or concerns might be what would happen if you were picked up by police or other authorities and sent back home.
I left home at 17, and in my case, police were involved from day one because my mom had pleaded guilty to assault against me. At first, I stayed with adult friends but when they kicked me out, I was on my own. Even though the police had helped me get away from my mom, until my eighteenth birthday I was constantly worried that I would get picked up and either sent back to her or into foster care. I got extremely lucky and was able to stay with friends, and then rent a room in a shared house, but I didn’t breathe freely until my eighteenth birthday.
The fear of getting picked up by the authorities is real and legitimate. Here are some tips for how to keep yourself safe if you get picked up and are or may be sent somewhere you don’t want to go.
Be Honest
As tempting as it might be to try to lie to the police about who you are to avoid being sent back to the home you left, if you have been detained by the police, being honest and cooperative is in your best interest. You don’t have to give the police information they aren’t asking for, and you can and should always ask to speak with an attorney if you’re being detained, but being combative, resisting police, or otherwise not cooperating can make a situation like this much worse. Being honest with the police and complying with directions increases the likelihood that you’ll be treated respectfully, and gives you more opportunities to advocate for yourself.
Be Vocal
If you get picked up by police as a runaway, or otherwise find yourself back in contact with child services systems, it’s very important to speak your truth about what has happened or what you are concerned could happen if you are returned to the house.
When being interviewed by law enforcement or child protective services, be honest about why you are concerned about being returned “home” and specifically what feels unsafe to you. Don’t diminish the lack of safety in the house they might send you back to: let them know about any and all of the dangers that may face you if you are returned. Be aware that if you’re a minor, it’s very unlikely that law enforcement or child protective services will just allow you to leave, so saying you feel unsafe with your parents or guardians may likely involve you being placed into foster care or a group home. However, if you have other supportive and safe family members, or in some cases friends whose parents are willing to let you stay with them, this may be an option.
Ifexternal link, opens in a new tab you are in a foster home or group home placement, you also always have rights. If you are being mistreated or don’t feel comfortable in a foster home or group home, speak up to anyone and everyone who will listen. You have rights to be in a safe place, but unfortunately sometimes it takes a little while to get there. Try to talk with case workers, teachers, or any other supportive adults in your life about what is going on instead of taking matters into your own hands and running away. If you are in foster care and run away, that likely will immediately involve the police, and likely make your situation worse. It’s not right, but if you have runaway from the placement, it can make you look like the problem. Instead, work the system by advocating for yourself to make sure that your experiences are heard.
Know Your Rights
If you have been picked up, law enforcement may be treating you like you’re the problem instead of trying to understand what made being at home unsafe in the first place. This is why being calm and direct about what you have experienced is so important. Talk with staff at local drop-in centers, youth centers, or school counselors about what your rights are as an unaccompanied young person. In many jurisdictions, you are entitled to have legal representatives appointed on your behalf, sometimes called a guardian ad litem, or depending on the circumstances, the courts may also appoint a victim’s advocate to support you, document what is going on for you at home, and support you in voicing your concerns to judges, case managers, and other people in positions to make decisions about where you are going to live. You can ask for one or more of these advocates even if they are not offered to you.
Even if you have been detained by police or are in police custody you have rights. Just because you are a runaway doesn’t mean your right to be treated with respect goes out the window. You have a right to be told why you are being detained. You have a right to be treated with respect, and not be verbally or otherwise abused by the police or anyone else. If you are able to stay calm, even if you are being mistreated, it can help to de-escalate a tense situation with law enforcement and give you opportunities to self-advocate. Follow orders and, when given an opportunity, be direct and clear about your fears and concerns about being returned “home.” If you don’t feel safe, this is a time to say that and repeat that to officers.
Create Supportive Networks
It can be useful to create a safety plan for this in advance with friends, and especially with trusted adults like youth workers and counselors. If you are returned to the home you left by child services or law enforcement, you can reach out to your support system of friends, teachers, other family members, counselors, and any other people who you trust and feel safe with. Seek emotional support as you navigate this less-than-ideal living situation. Supportive adults, including youth workers and supportive teachers, can be especially helpful with finding local resources to try and make the most of a less-than-ideal situation, like family counseling, individual case management, and other support you might need. It’s also important to try to maintain supportive friendships after you are returned home to make sure that you have social support while in an unsafe or unwanted living situation.
Find Safe Ways to Be Away
If, for a period of time, you are forced to stay with your parents or guardians, one way to cope can be to try and find legitimate ways to spend time away from the house. This will allow you to minimize the amount of time you have to spend in an unsupportive or unsafe environment. You can try to get involved with school or community events that your parents or guardians will approve of, for instance. This might look like after-school clubs, sports, or theater groups. If finances are an issue that you are concerned will prevent you from participating, talk with the group leaders or coaches about scholarship opportunities that might be available.
If you are enrolled in school, try to start attending regularly. This will give you a legitimate reason to be out of the house multiple days a week until you’re able to leave permanently. You can also spend extra time at school either in clubs or extracurricular activities, or by just going to the library. If you are not currently enrolled in school, consider looking into what it would take to get back into school or to enroll in a GED program, the latter of which often involves being in a classroom or community center to prepare. Applying for jobs and looking for work is also a great option for having a good and justified reason for being out of the house. Working is also a way to get out of your house or apartment and earn money, which can help you to care for yourself if all your needs aren’t being met where you are living, and possibly save some money to help you be ready to live more independently when you are able to do so.
While being forced to return to a home that doesn’t feel like home might feel scary or overwhelming, try to remember that it’s not permanent.
When you are legally an adult you won’t be able to be forced back to live with these people. Even if legal systems have failed you, and may be threatening to return you to a home that doesn’t feel safe, try to continue to reach out for support. Explain to supportive adults why you are not safe. In the United States and many other countries, most teachers, counselors, and youth workers are mandated reporters. If something happens that makes you feel unsafe where you are living, they must report what has happened and, hopefully, will be able to help you get the support necessary to get to a safer and more supportive living situation, which might include living with a supportive relative, a youth shelter, or a transitional living program.
