Being kicked out of home is one of the scariest things that can happen. Although the experience can feel isolating, it’s incredibly common around the world. In the United States alone, there are an estimated 4.2 millionexternal link, opens in a new tab teens and young adults who experience homelessness every year.
I was kicked out of my home and my family in 2002 when I was seventeen years old. I’ll never forget how overwhelmed and afraid I was. I didn’t know what I was going to do, or where I was going to go. As an adult, it has been part of my life’s work to help teens going through the experience of being kicked out feel less alone and find support.
Everyone’s situation of being kicked out is going to be different, and each area (country/state/city/etc.) will have different resources, and regulations impacting unaccompanied minors. No matter where you live, here are ten things you can do to help prepare yourself if you think or know you’re going to get kicked out.
1. Get Your ID
If you’re able to get any or all of your identification paperwork, like any government ID cards, for example, a social security card, birth certificate, passport, any immigration documents, or copies of them, do that first. If you can safely get your identifying documents into your own possession, it may make things easier for you in the future. With valid identification, you’ll have an easier time applying for any benefits you’re eligible for, applying for work, accessing services, and finding housing. If you can’t get your identifying documents, that’s okay! Social service providers can usually help you to get your birth certificate and other ID after you are kicked out.
2. Create a Safety Plan
If you know that you are going to be kicked out, try to create safety plans for where you are going to go and stay in the immediate future. Try talking with any supportive family members, and friends or their families to see if staying with them for a short period of time is an option. If you are being threatened with being kicked out, you can also share that information with a trusted teacher or school counselor. Keep in mind that, in the United States, most school workers are mandated reporters. This means that if you share that you are at risk of being kicked out, particularly if you are a minor, they likely will need to call child protective services on your behalf, something you may or may not want.
3. Find Local Resources
If adults in your life are threatening to kick you out, try to familiarize yourself with support for homeless youth in your area. This can be drop-in centers, clothing and food pantries, and emergency shelters. Even if you don’t want to access those services right now, and plan to stay with friends or family members, it’s useful to know what supports exist in case you need them in the future.
4. Get Emotional Support
Being kicked out is one of the most stressful situations you will experience in your lifetime. Even though it likely feels scary and isolating, it’s important to remember you don’t have to go through this alone. Bottling up your feelings, and fears about what is going on in your life will make this more difficult for you to navigate. Reach out to friends, family members, youth workers, teachers, and other supportive people in your life. Giving people the heads up you think you will be kicked out, can help people to be ready to support you when you get kicked out.
5. Save Money
If you suspect that you’re going to be kicked out, try to make sure you have access to any money that is yours. For example, if you have a bank account, keep your debit card on your person. If this is a shared account where the person kicking you out also has access to the funds consider withdrawing your money and keeping it hidden on your person until you’re able to open your own account. If you have cash in your bedroom, try to relocate that money into your wallet or bag so that you’ll have it with you if you are kicked out. Having your money accessible will make it easier to access things you need like food, toiletries, bus passes, and other necessities immediately after being kicked out until you can access supportive services.
6. Familiarize Yourself with Free Resources
When you’ve been kicked out one of the challenges you’ll face is finding places to spend time when you aren’t at work or school.
Public libraries are especially useful spaces that are generally warm (or air conditioned) and are places where you can spend time (and use the bathroom) without being asked to purchase anything. Libraries also have free Wi-Fi if you have a phone, tablet, or laptop, and computers you can sign up to use if you don’t have your own. Museums with free days are another great option for places to go during the day. Train stations and shopping malls are other options for busy public places where you can often spend time without being asked to leave.
7. Feel Your Feelings
There is no right or wrong way to feel when you are being kicked out. Some people feel devastated, or afraid. Other times, even though the realities are frightening, there is also a sense of relief that you are getting away from a home situation that was toxic, unsafe or outright violent. However, you are feeling, feel it: sad, angry, or a whole mix of feelings are all okay and understandable. As you are navigating being kicked out, try to give yourself space to have your feelings. Journaling and art are great ways to process all the big feelings you are experiencing. It’s also helpful to talk with trusted people in your life, and a professional counselor, if you can access one.
8. Know Your Rights
As you’re being kicked out you might feel hopeless and overwhelmed, but you also still have rights as a homeless youth. Unfortunately, systems don’t always work the way they are supposed to and you might have to stand up for yourself to make sure you get the support you are entitled to. If you are in the United States, for example, kids and teens experiencing homelessness have a legal right to access (K-12) education. In addition, a growing number of locations around the United States have begun to recognize that unaccompanied homeless youth should have a legal right to accessing shelter.
9. Find Ways to Prioritize Self-Care
The idea of self-care might sound silly and make you think about bubble baths and face masks, but self-care means a lot more than that. Going through being kicked out is stressful. You are going to have bad days, and it’s extra important to find ways to do small things that help care for yourself. This might look like spending a few minutes listening to music, watching videos that make you laugh, getting lost in a book, or playing a game on your phone. You can also meditate, make some art, paint your nails, get some movement somehow, or anything else that helps you to feel your best. Self-care doesn’t have to take a long time or cost money, but doing it can help fortify you to get through hard kicked out days.
10. Build Connections with Other Homeless Youth
Being kicked out can be an isolating experience, especially when you are in the middle of living through housing instability. It can feel like everyone else has a family and home, but this absolutely is not the case. Youth homelessness is incredibly common and to feel less alone it’s helpful to connect with other teens who have been kicked out. Online groups, and in-person youth centers are great options for finding other teens going through similar experiences. Not only will connecting with other homeless youth help you feel less alone, but it’s also a great way to share resources.
