Sex & Sexuality

Hi Emma, Reading this, I get a strong sense that you expect to be judged for your age and your sexual choices. I have no intension of judging you, and I’ll get back to why in a bit. First, though, I want to answer your questions. It’s okay that your boyfriend doesn’t want oral sex. I know you want…

Does sex feel like it’s “just happening,” rather than something you’re actively doing? Here’s how to change that.

It sounds like you have two different concerns in your question: that it is not normal for you to not be experiencing pleasure (or much sensation at all) while receiving oral sex, and that you also don’t want your boyfriend to feel bad about that. Let’s talk about the first part of your question…

No. It is not possible for a gynecologist to tell if someone has been sexually active, either with themselves or with a partner through an examination. The only exception might be if you were examined shortly after masturbating; the doctor might notice redness or irritation of the vulvar tissues…

Meet our good friend, Lube. It can’t create world peace, but it can make some kinds of sex more comfortable, masturbation or other sex you already enjoy even better, help prevent condoms from breaking and more.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. But, boy howdy, does it sound like plenty was wrong with this situation. You did not WANT to engage in sex with this person. You were also clear that you didn’t feel ready to have sex with this person once it was obvious to you that you felt that way…

I’m sorry to hear that sex has been a disappointment. Let’s see if I can help shed some light on this for you. A partner cannot be a mind-reader. No one can, but being someone’s sexual partner doesn’t magically imbue them with that skill. There’s just no way your boyfriend can know what you’ve been…

Everyone is different when it comes to hormonal/menstrual cycles, and there certainly are people who experience more intense effects of physical and psychological changes throughout their cycle than others. Experiencing changes in your mood, how your body responds to different kinds of touch, and…

You tried to do something sexual you thought was super-sexy but the other person thought was weird, silly or downright gross. Something one partner of yours thought was the hottest thing ever turned out to be something that, when you tried it with another person, bored the pants not even off of them, but right back onto them. Your biggest turn-on is someone else’s buzzkill. In any of these situations or many others like them, you might feel like you were bad in bed or someone else might think that about you. Here’s the biggest thing to know about that, before I say anything else at all: When sex is consensual, we all have the right to be our own idea or someone else’s idea of who or what is “bad” in bed. Sometimes; anytime. That’s because we’re human.

People do say that people are ready for sex – and not just the first time, either – at different times, different ages and in different situations. And that’s absolutely right. Whether we do or don’t want any kind of sex at any given time, with any given person, in any given situation, and also…