About six months ago, I found out I was pregnant for the second time in my life.
It was unplanned, the result of unprotected sex and a failed attempt at trying to predict my fertility. Wracked with anxiety, I dialed my partner and said, “I’m going to need you to not freak out.”
He didn’t. He was calm and gentle. Reassuring as can be.
“How can I support you?” he asked.
I let him know about the positive pregnancy test and how it didn’t align with what I wanted for the future. It came as no surprise—we had discussed it in the past and the sentiment was shared.
So I made the same decision I’d made eleven years prior, back when I was still in my teens, and scheduled an appointment for a medication abortion.
For me, the process was easy. It’s something I remain grateful for.
I messaged the clinic that I went to the first time around, told them I needed to schedule an appointment for a medication abortion, confirmed my insurance information, filled out some online forms, and came in just a few days later.
On the day of my appointment, my partner picked me up and we drove there together.
What is a medication abortion?
A medication abortion, also known as a medical abortion, is a type of abortion that uses pills, usually obtained via prescription, to terminate an early pregnancy. It most commonly consists of taking two medications, mifepristone and misoprostol. Though they both have other uses, they’re often referred to as abortion pills. Mifepristone blocks progesterone, a hormone necessary for continuing a pregnancy, while misoprostol causes uterine cramping and bleeding, which empties the uterus of its contents, the lining (like with a period) and the products of conception (the pregnancy).
At less than a month pregnant with only a single missed period, I was a good candidate. For those more than 10 or 11 weeks into their pregnancy, medication abortion isn’t usually an option, but — depending on local laws and individual access — surgical abortion still may be.
Abortion pills are available online in all 50 U.S. states, as well as in several other countries, including Canada and the UK. Pregnant people in need of abortion pills may often also opt to skip the clinic and have them delivered to their house by mail. There are a number of online resources, including Aid Accessexternal link, opens in a new tab and Plan C Pillsexternal link, opens in a new tab, that connect individuals in need with either online or in-person clinics that can prescribe medications for abortion.
The medication abortion process
Your experience may vary based on the clinic you seek care from — if you use a clinic at all — and the applicable laws in your country or state, but, for me, it started with an ultrasound.
Though I had asked for my partner to accompany me, I was told only patients were allowed in the treatment area, a common protocol used to keep everyone safe, especially from anti-abortion violence. It’s understandable, but I still wished he could’ve been there.
The ultrasound technician introduced herself, and she walked me through the plan. She was going to perform an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and how far along it was. This doesn’t happen at all clinics, but it was a regular part of the process at the one I went to.
The external ultrasound didn’t pick up the pregnancy, so she asked me for consent to proceed with a transvaginal ultrasoundexternal link, opens in a new tab. Unlike the external ultrasound, this internal exam was conducted by inserting an ultrasound probe about 2-3 inches into my vaginal canal.
Again, it didn’t show anything. I wasn’t far enough along.
“That’s okay,” she said.
From there, she took me to the lab where I had my blood taken and provided a urine sample that confirmed what I already knew. I was pregnant.
Making room for mixed emotions
I started feeling a bit overwhelmed at that point.
I knew I wanted to go through with the abortion—I knew it was the right choice for me—but that didn’t mean it didn’t bring up some feelings.
I felt a lot of things. Sad. Scared. Ashamed. Stupid for ending up in this position a second time, though mistakes happen, and I would never judge someone else the way I judged myself. But above all else, I felt relief.
I texted my partner while he waited patiently in the lobby. I gave him updates about what was happening and how I was feeling, and he sent words of support my way.
I cried when the lab technician came to take my blood.
“Do you want to talk about what’s coming up for you?” she asked.
I told her. I told her about my fear of needles, how blood work sometimes made me pass out. I told her about the first abortion, over a decade ago, and how I was judging myself for needing to terminate a pregnancy a second time.
She listened to me. Without a hint of judgment. And I felt so grateful for her.
We made it through the bloodwork without any issues. She went out of her way to make me feel comfortable and distracted me with comforting questions about my cat.
When that was done, she gave me information about the medication I was about to take.
She gave me the mifepristone with water and a pamphlet to take home. I was to take the four misoprostol pills with me and let them dissolve between my gums and cheeks within 48 hours of my appointment.
I left the clinic with my partner, and we talked about how I felt on the drive home. He never made me feel anything other than held.
Shaping my own future
I took the misoprostol pills the next day. I was worried at first because the bleeding took longer to start than I expected but, by the day after, my uterus had started to empty. It wasn’t much different from a regular period. A little heavier, maybe, accompanied by some cramping, but definitely manageable.
I bled moderately for several days, wearing pads rather than using tampons, a requirement for safety. A few days later, I followed up with a diagnostics lab where my blood was taken to confirm the levels of pregnancy hormone in my body had dropped, meaning the abortion was successful.
Upon confirming the abortion had worked, I felt a mix of gratitude and relief. Gratitude for Massachusetts’ abortion laws and relatively easy access to necessary care as well as relief of having control over my life and circumstances once again.
After that, I went to work getting an OBGYN referral for sterilization, which has since been performed by bilateral salpingectomy, a procedure in which the Fallopian tubes are removed through laparoscopic surgery. Now I no longer have to worry about pregnancy and, instead, can focus on pursuing my career goals and nurturing my relationships with the people I love.
Abortion isn’t the right decision for everyone, but it was the right decision for me.
