We have been living in scary and upsetting times in the United States, where many of our visitors come from. Some of you are very deeply affected: you may be an immigrant or love someone who is; or trans or may love someone who is; or you live in a deeply conservative area where you may feel frightened and trapped. Even if you aren’t personally affected, witnessing or being indirectly impacted by what’s happening—including if you live outside the U.S. and are looking in—can be upsetting.
The Trump administration has been engaging in a tactic sometimes called “flooding”: They make so much go on all at once that it’s hard to keep track of everything that’s happening. It feels like there’s always some new terrible thing that’s even worse than the terrible thing last week. Flooding can leave people feeling overwhelmed and frozen. Especially if the streets are filled with the sounds of whistles and clouds of tear gas—as they have been in places like Los Angeles, Chicago and Minneapolis—this can feel inescapable, like it’s never going to end.
You may be surrounded by people, organizations, and media who are lying to you. Sometimes they might be gaslighting you, trying to convince you that you’re not seeing what you are seeing, or like it’s not as bad as it feels. Often, they downplay reality and your feelings, which can make you feel like you’re being dramatic or exaggerating, or like no one is listening to you when you are trying to speak up.
Many recent events are also very activating. For some, that looks like shutting down. Maybe you’re withdrawing from friends and family, not wanting to leave the house, or feeling too down to do anything at all. For others, it’s setting off a fight or flight reflex. That might look like feeling hyped up all the time, having trouble sleeping, and sometimes picking fights with people or feeling very raw and sensitive. It could also mean making impulsive choices, or ones that are dangerous for yourself and others.
It’s important to know that there are more of us who want to be honest, care for all of our neighbors, and treat everyone with love and respect than those who don’t, and people are showing up every day for each other in ways small and large. People are turning out to look after their neighbors, loved ones, and even complete strangers in any way they can. It might feel intimidating, but you can and should help too.
It’s important to care for each other, and we need to care for ourselves, too.
Dealing with big feelings
You may be feeling a lot of feelings right now.
We have some advice to help you move with and through your feelings: We’re not here to shut you down, and if anyone tells you that you need to calm down, control yourself, or get over it, we think that that person is not being your friend.
- You can ask for help. Our direct services are one place to do that, but you can also look for other safe people in your life to talk to if you are feeling overwhelmed. Maybe that’s a supportive family member, a therapist, a teacher, or friends you trust and feel comfortable with.
- You can prioritize those most affected and help—however you can. Be conscientious in your interactions and care for other people. If you are in a position of relative privilege, make sure that you are supporting those who are in danger, within your capacity (more about that below). Process your feelings about it with people like you, or people with more privilege than you. Spending time supporting and caring for each other cultivates the world we want to live in, and it will make you feel better to take concrete actions to make the world better.
- You can take a break. The firehose of events, news headlines, and social media posts can be incredibly grinding. You can’t help anyone if you’re overwhelmed and it’s possible to keep up with things without running yourself into the ground. You don’t need to watch every awful video or read every article about every single thing. You also don’t have to issue a response or comment every time something bad happens. If you struggle with your relationship with social media and the news, consider building in some time to take off; maybe you take a break from 4-6pm, for example, to do something with friends or help out in some way. Maybe you give yourself a few days off from it sometimes altogether, to give your nervous system some real time to reset.
- You can watch out for misinformation. That includes material put out by the Trump administration, but also things on social media and in conversations with other people IRL. Many people on social media are more interested in clout and clicks than being right, so take the time to verify claims and make sure they’re current. We’re seeing a lot of AI-generated content that’s wrong, and sometimes dangerous, alongside scaremongering posts. Consider who sharing a post serves, especially if it is about a realtime event: Is it a community group alerting people to a right-now threat? Or is it outrage bait designed to make you mad and scared? On the flip side, is it something that confirms a personal belief or bias, but doesn’t have the facts to back it up?
- You can be a helper. Mr. Rogers told us to look for the helpers, and sometimes that’s us. Mobilize and participate in ways that are safe and effective for you, and don’t put anyone else in danger either. For some people, that means protesting in the streets, doing patrols to protect neighbors from government agents, or attending rallies and events. For others, it looks like picking up groceries or doing laundry for people who are scared to leave their houses, or distributing supplies to people who need them. It can also look like speaking up to friends and family, calling lawmakers to let them know you are paying attention and want them to act, or helping people maintain resources—you’d be surprised by how much work gets done in spreadsheets!
Supporting your friends
You may have friends who are feeling scared right now, especially those who are in immediate danger or who are close to those who are. Don’t assume you know what they want or need: Ask them. Especially at a moment when people can feel like they are being denied agency, having someone center and respect their needs is incredibly important. Let them know you’re a safe person to talk to: Validate their feelings to make it clear that you are hearing and listening.
If someone says they’re not sure what they need, you can offer some suggestions such as: accompanying them somewhere; picking something up for them; helping them with paperwork; thinking about a safety plan; providing moral support and advocacy with other people or organizations; researching mutual aid funds, services, and other opportunities they might find helpful; or just sitting with them and spending time together. Don’t offer to do anything you’re not ready or able to do, and don’t push them if they’re not feeling it. You can always say “sounds like you are good for now, but I’m around if you need anything” to leave the door open.
Don’t underestimate the power of a simple regular check-in to remind a friend that you’re thinking of them, caring for them, and available if they need you. Maybe that’s a “How’s the day going?” text in the morning with a meme or video you think they’ll love, or a “Hey, I know you’re about to leave work or school and I’m thinking of you.”
Having hard conversations
This section is mostly for people with privilege who have people in their lives who aren’t aligned with their values.
Being on the right side of history can be hard sometimes: our parents or grandparents saw that during the civil rights era, when in addition to the abuse heaped on Black people, white people who worked in solidarity with Black people faced threats, harassment, assault, and other consequences for sticking with a cause they believed in. For some people with privilege, all of this may feel very new and it’s important to know that others have been doing the work for a long time and may have resources you find helpful as you confront this terrible moment in history.
You might have a community that’s opposed to what’s happening and working hard to stop it and prevent it from happening again.
But, you may have family or friends who support what is going on and could even be happy about it. Or maybe they don’t like what’s going on, but they still support the beliefs that are making it possible, such as thinking most immigrants are here illegally and they are criminals who are here to hurt us. Perhaps they’re repeating or sharing hurtful things about immigrants, trans people, and those who are in solidarity with them. That can be a lot to carry and may make it feel like you have nowhere safe and good to turn to. It can also feel overwhelming or intimidating to have conversations with them about what’s happening.
Some fights aren’t worth having: they may put you in extreme danger with pretty minimal chance of changing someone’s mind; they could escalate really quickly; they involve such a brief interaction that confronting someone might make a situation worse; they’re repeats of the same argument you’ve had over and over again; they involve someone you depend on for housing, food and other basic needs. It can feel gross not to speak up, but we understand that sometimes it’s just not possible to have these conversations. You can say “I don’t really want to talk about this with you” or “I disagree” and leave it at that. You can also just leave the room a conversation like this is happening in without saying anything.
If you can, though, sometimes even a small amount of pushback goes a long way whether you’re at the dinner table or having a conversation with friends somewhere. You can use your privilege to make it clear to people that the people they are being hateful about may not be in the room, but you are, and you won’t stand for their hate and cruelty.
A tactic s.e. sometimes likes to use is simply ask someone to repeat what they’re saying, or to ask for clarification in a way that may not be directly confrontational, but can provide a gentle corrective. “Sorry, could you say that again?” “Oh, that’s interesting. Why do you think that?” In conversations like these, Heather likes to ask people if they have ever known anyone who is a member of the group they are talking about, sometimes naming the person or people they know someone knows if they say they don’t, and then ask how they feel about what they said when it’s also about this person they know and potentially care about.
If someone wants to double down, you can state that you don’t agree and offer some thoughts as to why. Those might be personal opinions, telling the stories of affected people, or offering facts. Think about your relationship to this person and what might be most effective.
Maybe a person is really responsive to facts, especially if you present them in a way that shows you’re always learning and thinking, too: “Actually, immigrants are less likely to commit crimesexternal link, opens in a new tab” or “I was surprised when I learned that applying for asylum is really hard, takes a long time, and over half of applications are rejectedexternal link, opens in a new tab.”
Perhaps someone relates to real examples of people’s lives that relate to their own experience, such as being a parent: You can talk about children separated from their families, disabled people being denied health care, or people who are scared to leave their homes.
Others might respond best to statements of personal opinion where you talk about how you feel: Maybe this goes against your personal or religious values, for example. When you’re talking to a member of a community you identify with, you can lean in on this to remind them that you have something in common.
The bottom line is that wherever you are, and no matter how this affects you, we want you to stay safe out there, and to keep the people around you safe, as much as you can. If you’re feeling scared and helpless, you are not alone—and there are lots of people who care about you. Even more people are out there every day helping however they can, and remember that there are way more of us than there are hateful, gross people.
