When I go to the gym, I focus on improving my body for my health, my own aesthetics, performance, and psychological reasons. The gym, with its machinery, free weights, and open, well-lit rooms, is my happy and safe space, and I feel safe where I train today. Still, I’ve sometimes experienced episodes of unwanted advances or sexual harassment. I know that for those who identify as women, or whose bodies others consider female, it is even worse.
In 2022, Barbend.comexternal link, opens in a new tab published a survey finding that 87.2% of American women feel unsafe at the gym: that’s almost nine out of 10 women. ExerciseBike.netexternal link, opens in a new tab presented a 2018 survey that found 18.5% of women had a negative experience at the gym; meanwhile, a 2021 Run Repeat surveyexternal link, opens in a new tab revealed that 56% of women reported being victims of harassment while working out. Although they vary, those numbers affirm why so many women and members of the queer and trans communities prefer to go to gyms built for a particular community or avoid training in public spaces altogether.
The harassment I’ve been exposed to as a cis straight man in Brazil still pales in comparison to the level that women, trans and queer people have to deal with, but it is still challenging for me to both witness and experience.
Harassment in the gym can be anything from staring at people; repeated and unwanted requests for a phone number, social media or date; physical harassment like physically cornering or following someone; inappropriate and unnecessary touching like rubbing against someone, humping on, or otherwise touching or groping them; commenting about someone’s body or body shaming; gossiping, engaging in unwanted talk, or other verbal harassment; catcalling; and taking photos or videos without consent.
Once I dealt with an older woman harassing me, touching me inappropriately and making backhanded compliments, and changing her time to be there when I was even if I changed to go earlier or later. I was glad when I was told that she had left the gym. Years before, I was humped by another woman who was younger than me; I felt the same relief when she left.
Abusers don’t always know but, more to the point, don’t often want to know the limitations of intimacy or trespassing of personal space, including in a place that should allow everyone there to improve their well-being, not damage it.
What Can You Do About It?
I’ve noticed that when there is a harassment situation, those who aren’t involved might feel a bit of discomfort but don’t interfere because they don’t see it as their problem.
If you see someone being harassed and they are your acquaintance, ask in private about what is going on to check if it is indeed what you believed you saw, and if it is inappropriate, tell this person that they have your support. For example, you can call this person to other parts of the gym as if you wanted to say something or need help with an exercise. Tell them that they can be your training partner or even go in a group; numbers intimidate harassers who tend to pick their victims when they are by themselves. Offer to tell the gym management that this person is enduring harassment if they decide to talk to the staff about the unpleasant situation.
If you know the harasser and have a somewhat non-aggressive relationship with them, explain that what they are doing to others is not right and that they should stop and do better. Societal norms have changed over time, and what could be considered “just flirting” today might be trespassing. If you don’t know anyone involved, you still can step in. Try to use the machine, and ask for a train on it while they rest from their series. Try to engage in small talk or pretend that you need help understanding what you have to do from your training schedule since many are unfamiliar with the names of the exercises and machines.
The victim may try to make eye contact with you, even indicating that something isn’t right or that they aren’t very comfortable; if you see an opening, tell them that they can call you up if there are any difficulties with their training program if the target of harassment needs someone to load the weights in the equipment or rack them to where they belong. Remember that harassers like to isolate their prey, so they avoid duos or groups. If you don’t feel comfortable mentioning the harassment, let them know that you are available to help whenever they need it.
If you, yourself, are being harassed, there is a range of possible responses to harassment. Which you try will mostly depend on the particular situation, what feels most right and most safe for you, and what’s within your ability.
For indirect approaches, you can:
- Change your workout regimen or training hours.
- Go to the gym with a training partner or a group.
- Switch to training one-on-one with a personal trainer.
- Ask a friend for help if you’re feeling unsure. As a man, I don’t always know how to tell harassers to “stop” because the other way around is way more common, and putting verbal limits is something that I’m still working on. I have been lucky that gym staff give harassers a heads-up that I was there to train in silence and not interested, and a friend can play the same role.
- Modify specific exercises where you are exposed to others or in a vulnerable position, as for example when a movement requires you to bend and expose your buttocks. You could switch to a variation, or change the order of your gym routine and do it after the harasser has left.
- Move to another gym. Consider switching to an all-women or LGBTQIA+ gym and telling your gym why you are leaving. When a gym starts to lose clients, said gym will have to make changes because, in a capitalist system, the pain that hurts the most affects the pockets.
- Wear a baseball cap and ear buds. The cap will cover your eyes, making it harder to make eye contact, and the buds will indicate that you are listening to music or a podcast and not interested in engaging in conversations.
For direct approaches, you can:
- Tell the harasser that you are not interested in conversations with them and that they are disrespecting your personal space.
- Report the harassment to an instructor and/or management. Say you feel unsafe and ask those responsible to pay attention to see if they notice the harasser’s behavior, if they hadn’t already perceived it. It is also good to have someone who saw the situation or has been victimized by the same harasser to back your words.
- If the instructor or management don’t take action or, worse, takes the side of the harasser, you can go to the institution that regulates gyms and PE professionals and, if necessary, talk to law enforcement. In Brazil, there are police stations focused on crimes against women, including harassment.
- Check if the gym has a policy regarding harassment and abuse; if not, ask the management to develop one that follows modern standards and local laws.
Be aware that some of these more direct solutions can lead to being further targeted in ways more passive solutions may not.
If you are concerned you might be harassing someone
Sometimes, people think they are just trying to be acquainted with others or that it is a harmless flirtation. Still, they invade other spaces and are disrespectful while trying to convince themselves that they are not doing anything wrong.
Once in the gym, you can notice who will say “hi” to you and those who will not; the latter are less receptive to being approached. Then check if the person is wearing a cap, sunglasses, or earbuds, or wearing them all at once and keeping to themselves. Pay attention if they are not responding to your attempts for eye contact or even when you actually try to start a conversation, as for example if they adopt a more protective body language and if they begin to walk away when you talk or if they move to another part of the gym if you start to exercise close to them. After these clues, it is time to respect personal spaces.
Avoid making eye contact for longer than is appropriate, don’t touch people as if you have known them for a long time—by the way, it is better not to touch them at all—and if you want to compliment somebody’s progress, consider whether the words you choose are adequate or if you should even tell them that, as that means you’ve been paying lots of attention to them. It is more appropriate to compliment their gym shoes or water bottle than talking about bodies and muscular development.
Keep to yourself or those you already know. People tend to distrust those who throw themselves into others. If people you find interesting start a conversation, answer, but don’t rush things. Sometimes, it won’t go past a training colleague’s talk. Check with a trusted ally, like a friend, to confirm that your behavior is within bounds.
If you are already talking to someone, including a person you have an interest in, ask if you are trespassing or disturbing them in any form or capacity. Consider that some people won’t outright say that you are a line-stepper. But acknowledge that you can be overbearing since everyone has their own limits, and express that they can be comfortable pointing out if you are crossing lines.
If you’re in therapy, talk to your psychologist or psychiatrist to see if you have the patterns of a harasser and how you can improve yourself to not only be a better gym member but also a better person for your society.
The perception of harassment has changed over the years
I come from Brazil, a society where machismo runs strong, and I recall a time when catcalling a woman was expected from a man. It was common to see construction workers, drivers, and men on the streets or at bars calling a woman crossing the street things like “hot” or “beautiful” or asking for a phone number. If it was a feminine queer person they would scream “big shoes” (sapatão, a Brazilian slang for lesbian) or call cisgender men “faggot.”
Schoolboys who felt they had to prove their machismo bravado would mimic these behaviors, boys who were my classmates. In my early teens I would join them, but later I learned to kept quiet because I’m a shy person, and because I didn’t want to get into trouble, and as I grew older, I understood how disrespectful it is.
The changes in society propagated by minority movements helped diminish this toxic culture in the USA and Brazil. Nevertheless, harassment still happens in gyms as elsewhere, as the data up top and our collective experiences make clear. We have a long way to go.
People should consider that they go to the gym to take care of their health and not to hit on others as if it is a nightclub because it isn’t the place’s primary reason. In a backward manner, some people believe that since the regulars are mostly wearing sports clothing, in some cases tight or exposing skin, it translates into “fair game.” The issue of harassment at gyms has a long way to go, but if we start checking our own behavior, it is a step toward a healthier gym cul
