Cherries Jubilee

I was fingering a girl that I have been hanging out with for a while now and she's a cool girl. She's had sex before and is not a virgin but when I was fingering her, I felt the cherry and then after we were done she said she started her period. This isn' the first time a girl has started to bleed cause of me fingering them and its not cause I have long nails, my nails are fine. So I told her about my past times and that I don't think its your period and she said she was never early and that she's not due for another 8 days! I think its cause I hit their cherry again. Is that possible to break a girl's cherry...again?! Help.
Heather Corinna replies:

There isn't a "cherry" (or an apricot, prune, or any other type of produce) inside a vagina.

When people talk about "popping cherries," it generally tends to mean a) someone is doing something for the first time, or b) someone's hymen has popped. Thing is, the hymen, when it is present or partially present, isn't deep inside the vagina: it's just a very thin folds of mucous tissue -- and for people who menstruate, with at least micro-openings -- around the very inside of the vaginal opening. And unless it's fully intact (in which case a person can't put fingers inside the vagina, since the hymen would then be blocking that opening), you're not likely to feel it with your fingers, since it blends into the vaginal opening.

In addition, hymens don't "pop." They can get small tears if is a person is tense or a partner is rough during intercourse  but most hymens simply wear away over time gradually, due to a combination of hormones in puberty, vaginal discharges and menstruation, masturbation, general physical activity, and yep, vaginal sex.

If you felt something inside her vagina that felt LIKE a cherry -- something round with a little dimple, perhaps? -- you were feeling her cervix. It should be noted that when a person with a vagina is very aroused, that cervix will be pretty far back, so it shouldn't be that easy to feel it, and if you are, it's not something that tends to feel very good when jostled around. You can bruise or abrade the cervix and if you're in there, feeling the cervix, it's likely that you're inserting fingers when your partner is not all that aroused, and thus probably not all that lubricated (and younger people don't often tend to realize that for deeper manual sex, using extra lubricant tends to be key), and THAT can also cause vaginal abrasions which can cause bleeding.

On the other hand, it's also possible your partner did get her period. Periods do come early sometimes, not everyone really knows how to count days to know when to accurately expect them, and with younger people, cycles can also be erratic.

But no matter what, this has nothing to do with nonexistent cherries, or with anything deep inside the vagina that sex of any kind can change. If you routinely notice that during manual sex with your partners who have vaginas they are bleeding, and it is not menstruation, it's probably about you not using extra lubricant as needed, not using latex gloves (nails can be cut, but vaginal tissue is delicate and even callouses can cause abrasions sometimes), and/or moving too fast into, or being too rough with, vaginal entry with your fingers, particularly if your partners aren't aroused enough for that yet, or staying aroused while you're doing that.

A lot of straight guys -- especially younger guys, unfamiliar with vaginal anatomy, who also more often have sexual partners who don't speak up about what feels good, don't feel like they can speak up, or perhaps even know for themselves yet what DOES feel best -- have the idea that the vagina is what sex is all about for people with vaginas, when in truth, for most of those people, that's just not the case. Because for plenty of men, sticking things into the vagina is what feels good for THEM, it's often assumed that's also what feels best for most people with vaginas, but it's not. Even with sexual intercourse, for instance, while mostpeople with penises will reach orgasm that way, most people with vaginas will not.

Plenty of people with vaginas do enjoy manual sex with vaginal entry, but even those who do will usually only really enjoy it when paired with clitoral manual sex, since the clitoris IS the part of the genitals that's our real sexual organ: it's got more sensory nerve endings than even the penis does, while most of the vagina has almost nada, so you can see where the error is in making everything vaginal.

Best bets? 1. Keep a bottle of lube around if you're going to have manual sex that involves inserting your fingers, and ideally, use latex gloves. It's not just about safety -- though if a person with a vagina is getting abraded: that ups infection risks for her -- both of those things tend to make manual sex with insertion feel a whole lot nicer for people on the receiving end, and them feeling great is supposed to be the goal, no?

2. Go slow with the finger insertion. Remember that physiologically, for people with vaginas, our most sensitive part of our genitals isn't our vaginas: it's out clitorises. Manual sex with insertion can feel nice, for sure, but for a majority of people with vaginas, it won't all by itself, and plenty of them may not like it at all, particularly if their clitorises aren't also engaged, and paid plenty of attention before any vaginal insertion. Pay attention to taking lots of time before your fingers go in to be sure your partners really are highly aroused. For the most part, if you can easily feel someone's cervix, they're just not very sexually aroused.

3. Be sure you're communicating with your partners throughout. Mind, the vagina, especially past the first couple inches, isn't rich with nerve endings, so a person can be getting abraded back there without feeling it at the time. But you should be asking partners what feels good while you're doing this, and responding in kind. If your fingers in there aren't feeling seriously great, then adjust what you're doing to what DOES feel good. When in doubt, you can ask a partner to show you, with her own hands, what she likes best. It's also just smart with manual sex to start with a partner's clitoris: generally, if she really wants fingers inserted at any point into her vagina, she'll ask for that.

Here are a few extra links to help you out:

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