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Some Books and Balms for Nonbinary Folks

As a writer and a reader, books have always been my constant companions: when I feel alone and isolated, they're one of the first places I turn. We've got you here in our direct services at Scarleteen (and if you want to talk to a nonbinary person specifically, you can always ask for, or email, me or one of our other nonbinary team members, like Ruby or Jacob), but if you also like the company of books, here are a few books I like from nonbinary writers, about nonbinary identities and thought, relevant self-care or help sorting things out for yourself, and a couple of my favorite nonbinary or trans balms for the soul.

It's Never Too Late To Start To Date

Being autistic, some things just haven’t come as naturally for me as they seem to for other people. Unfortunately, these have included hallmarks of American life often used to symbolize being “an adult” like driving on my own or getting my first paid job. But human beings are not on a strict timetable to do all the same things at the same time. This is just as true of dating like anything else. Just because you (or I) haven’t been actively dating when a lot of other people in your life have doesn’t make you (or me) a failure. You’re just on your own timetable. So am I.

Friends or Lovers? The Complexities of Queer Love

Relationships, like gender and sexuality, don’t fit into a binary. The phrase queer platonic, which comes from the asexual community, means a deep and meaningful intimate relationship which isn’t based on sex. You can have this with anyone – no matter their gender or sexuality. Perhaps if the term were more normalised (I hadn’t heard of it before researching this article), more people would be comfortable with such a relationship.

My One and Only

The number of people you choose to sleep with isn’t the crux of sexual liberation. People who choose to have sex with fewer (or no) people shouldn’t be ashamed, and neither should people who choose to have multiple partners. It’s all about the choice - having the agency to sleep with as many or as few people as you please. It doesn’t make you naïve or boring or a slut or a whore; it’s just a choice that you’ve made, and that in itself is sexually liberating.

Under Pressure: Apps Can Perpetuate Unrealistic Sexual Expectations

Dating apps are part and parcel of modern life. Those marketed to the LGBTQ+ community are particularly handy if you don’t have a conventional way to meet others with whom you identify. But I feel like spending so much time using apps twisted my perception of what a whole relationship should look like. 

The Importance of Becoming the Examples We Want to See

I didn't see other autistic people in social scenarios I couldn't manage, so I couldn't imagine myself managing them. Attending my college’s autism group provided me an environment I never knew I needed. Being surrounded by other autistic people, I had found a rare secure place to socialize, one that let me start to discover other places I could be social in, too.

I already came out, but I doubt my sexuality every day

Anonymous asks:
I'm a sixteen-year-old girl and recently realized that I am bisexual. My parents and brother have always been very clear that they will be accepting of whoever I am, so I came out to them only a few weeks after figuring things out myself. (They were indeed fine with it.) I also came out to a bunch of friends pretty quickly since most of my friends are queer, too. But now I’m really confused....

Is gender a social construct? Being an ally on social media

Anonymous asks:
I’m a 21 year old college student who is interested in being a better ally to my LGBTQ friends. I’ve joined the alliance at college and sometimes have discussions with the club about LGBTQ issues.I have fun, and it’s a good experience. Sometimes though, especially on social media, I feel like I need to agree with the most “progressive” side in order to be taken seriously as an ally....