boundaries

From both our personal experiences of our own varied sex lives, and in our work in sexuality with many other people, it seems pretty clear that really letting someone into an internal space in your body, or going into someone else’s insides – which we know might sound a little gross, but that is what’s going on with this stuff – is a fairly big deal for many people. So, what might make sexual entry different from other sexual activities?

I’d like to focus this on the three primary issues you brought up here: your need for basic physical affection, your problem with upholding your own boundaries, and your ideas about how without intercourse, the sex you or anyone else are having cannot possibly satisfy either of you. On all of those…

Frankly, if I had a partner – at any age – who, from the onset, was trying to talk his way out of cooperating with managing risks, risks that I would bear the greatest burden of, I wouldn’t just insist on a condom. I would insist on not being sexual with that person at all. I – and you – deserve…

Unfortunately, some women don’t know or understand when they’re carrying around double-standards when it comes to being ready for sex. You’re not the first guy to ask this question or be in this situation. Just like it is for women, guys are not somehow automatically ready for sex any time their…

As always with a question such as this, I find myself wishing that I could throw out the cliché phrase “You just know.” The problem with cliché’s of course being that they don’t often really answer anything. So let’s take a minute to break things down together. Readiness is a very loaded term, and…

It sounds to me like your best bet would just be getting away from this dope. You’re noticing changes in his behavior: he doesn’t seem to be as sweet and nice anymore. Despite making clear that you’re just not comfortable having any kind of sex with him, he’s pushing it and also seems to be trying…

Lisa, I can’t implore you enough not to take this personally and not to think about this as you being inadequate. You’re not inadequate: you two just wanted different things. Our needs and wants and someone else’s needs and wants are just not always going to mesh, even when one or both of us really…

There’s no reason why I, or anyone else, should try to talk you into doing a sexual activity you don’t have any interest in doing. Coercing someone into doing something sexual they don’t want to is an abuse, and in many cases, also falls under definitions of rape, and for good reason. What motivates…

I see a few issues that need to be addressed here. First things first: giving someone any kind of sex they want any time they want it not only will not keep them from having other sex partners, it is – as you’re experiencing – something that doesn’t create a healthy sexual dynamic or feel very…

If you’re not comfortable with anything sexual at any time, then the answer is always to make clear to a partner that you aren’t comfortable with what they want, and wait until you are comfortable with whatever that thing is. If you never are, that’s okay. It’s pretty rare that any two people will…