healing

The last installment in a series on the physical effects of sexual trauma. To conclude the series, we’re talking about talking: namely, how to talk with sexual partners about any physical effects that you have experienced as a survivor of sexual trauma.

“How do I enjoy sex?” is hardly a question that’s unique to intersex people, but some of the answers to that question are different than they might be for people who aren’t intersex.

Want to try and seek some closure through a discussion with an abuser or assailant? Here’s how to do it as safely as possible.

There was a text from him: “Sorry about last night.” There were calls. Then more texts: “Babe are you ok?” When I responded: “You raped me,” he stopped reaching out.

In this third installment of this series, we hear from a survivor who developed substantial physical concerns after her trauma experiences. Kayla* is a survivor of multiple episodes of sexual trauma, and she has undergone extensive care for her post-traumatic symptoms.

“Folks, the main thing I hope to realize is that you are a very powerful social creator, no part of human culture exists without humans creating it and you literally have the power to do that. Of course, you don’t have all the power, but listen: power is not just out there in some kind of blob form, power is inside of everyone of us. We don’t have all the power but we have our power and we can decide how to use it.”

I wish I could find out who is spreading the idea that thinking about sex often, masturbating fruequently, or using sexual media indicates someone is on a path towards “sex addiction.” You’re far from the first person to ask about it in our direct services. I’d like to have some harsh words with…

“Those of us that identify within the QTBIPOC community cannot take off our skin the same way we cannot remove our gender and/or our sexuality. We have to continue to have conversations about all of the disparities that are going on. There is not just one way we are affected.”

The term itself is insufficient and sounds oddly trivial. The word ‘stealth’ has various associations in the Oxford English Dictionary (2020), including ‘secretly and without right or permission’, ‘clandestinely’, ‘furtive’. A stealth action happens quickly and slyly, like the swiping of an appetising sweet by a small child before their parent sees. But stealthing does not just happen surreptitiously, swiftly, or without the total awareness of the victim.

When my assault happened, I was stunted in my sexual exploration, and I had no choice but to start anew. I’ve learned it will always be an ongoing battle for me, but a possible feat. Scarleteen readers confronting a comparable situation should know there’s hope for you too. Reclaiming our right to pleasure combats apathy by demonstrating our capacity to enjoy again. While we can’t reverse rape, recovery begins when we remember we have alternatives.