boundaries

Lisa, I can’t implore you enough not to take this personally and not to think about this as you being inadequate. You’re not inadequate: you two just wanted different things. Our needs and wants and someone else’s needs and wants are just not always going to mesh, even when one or both of us really…

There’s no reason why I, or anyone else, should try to talk you into doing a sexual activity you don’t have any interest in doing. Coercing someone into doing something sexual they don’t want to is an abuse, and in many cases, also falls under definitions of rape, and for good reason. What motivates…

I see a few issues that need to be addressed here. First things first: giving someone any kind of sex they want any time they want it not only will not keep them from having other sex partners, it is – as you’re experiencing – something that doesn’t create a healthy sexual dynamic or feel very…

If you’re not comfortable with anything sexual at any time, then the answer is always to make clear to a partner that you aren’t comfortable with what they want, and wait until you are comfortable with whatever that thing is. If you never are, that’s okay. It’s pretty rare that any two people will…

With any kind of manual sex, there’s always a chance of abrasion. You can reduce this risk by wearing a latex glove or finger cots (they’re like condoms for your fingers), then applying water-based lube. This combination covers your fingernails, and it provides extra slickness so you won’t chafe her…

You know, whether or not a boyfriend wants something from you does not obligate you to give it to him (and vice-versa). I’d totally be down for ditching work for an hour and having sex with my partner right this second. But he’s upstairs in his office doing work for himself right now which he needs…

As loving and wonderful as your girlfriend may be, she needs to understand that you have boundaries, too. Negotiating sex can be a major hurdle for many couples, and there are a lot of people in your position – you are trying to live your life by a certain batch of morals, and they’re in conflict…

For the record, there isn’t anything abnormal about oral sex: it’s a very common practice. People (and other animals) have been engaging in oral sex for a mighty long time. As well, the risks of infections from oral sex are actually substantially less in most cases than from vaginal intercourse, and…

Your girlfriend is being VERY sensible, whether you may happen to believe it or not. People with vaginas have a LOT at stake when they become sexually active. They are more prone to infections than people with penises. And yes, they can get pregnant, which is a very taxing process for her body…

You know, while five years isn’t a big age difference between people who are, say 35 and 40, it can be a lot bigger between people who are 15 and 20. Think abut it like this: at 20, your boyfriend has literally already lived 25% longer than you have, just a little less than you’ve outlived someone…