College & Condoms

You know, what “sex” even IS differs for everyone. There are a world of sexual⁠ (sexual: About or relating in some way to sex or sexuality.) activities out⁠ (out: Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.) there – oral sex⁠ (oral sex: Use of the mouth, lips or tongue for sexual stimulation. Cunnilingus (“going down on”), fellatio (“blowjobs”) and analingus (“rimming”) are some common kinds of oral sex.) , manual sex⁠ (manual sex: Sometimes also called digital sex. Kinds of sex involving the hands and fingers to sexually stimulate the genitals or other parts of the body. Fingering, handjobs or “fisting” (deep manual sex) are some kinds of manual sex.) , intercourse⁠ (intercourse: When people interlock their genitals and move together as feels good to them for the purpose of sexual stimulation and/or reproduction.) , anal play, role play, frottage⁠ (frottage: Rubbing against the body of another person to express sexual feelings or seek out sexual pleasure. “Dry frottage” is done with clothing on (“Dry humping” is a form of frottage).) , the works – and how each person does them isn’t only different from person to person, but from partnership to partnership, and even just from day to day.

In other words, for any one given person, one day you may be in the mood for really hard-driven, fast intercourse, and on another, for something slower and more mellow. On top⁠ (top: In sexuality, this is someone who wants to take the/a lead during sex with a partner or partners, or to consensually take the role of being in charge of sexual actions.) of that, what the person you’re having the sex⁠ (sex: Different things people choose to do to actively express or enact sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. ) with wants is half the equation, so it’s all about feeling out what you want at a given time, and then working out with both what your partner⁠ (partner: In a sexual context, a person with whom someone is having some kind of sex. The term “partner” can be used for all kinds of relationships, not just serious ones. “Partner” can also mean the person someone is with in a romantic or familial partnership.) wants, and what the dynamic of your relationship⁠ (relationship: An ongoing interaction or association with another person, place or thing.) and particular chemistry and joint mood is.

But whatever way any pair or group of sexual partners wants to have sex in, so long as everyone is on the same page – and if that isn’t clear by observing, all one has to do is ask verbally – it’s all good. But either way? Porn and the movies in general aren’t very good places to get an idea about what’s realistic when it comes to sex: they’re not meant to be, after all. So, when it comes to your expectations, best to leave that question open-eneded: over time, you’ll get an idea of what’s realistic in your sex life all by yourself.

In terms of sexually transmitted infections⁠ (sexually transmitted infections: STIs: illness, infection and/or disease which is often or can be transmitted through sexual or other intimate contact, like HIV, Chlamydia or Herpes. Some people call STIs STDs.) , having unprotected sex, especially when you’re younger, puts you and your partners at pretty big risks of contracting or transmitting an STI/STD. Right now, a minimum of one in every four people under the age of 25 are toting one around, so you can see how very big a risk that is. Condoms are so easy to get and so easy to use – not to mention that when everyone involved feels safer, the sex is usually better – that there’s just no good reason not to start your sexual life with condom⁠ (condom: A thin sheath or tube of latex or another material, worn over the penis during sex to prevent or reduce the risk of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections.) use as a must (and not just for intercourse either: for oral sex or any anal sex⁠ (anal sex: Sexual activity involving the anus. Anal sex may include stimulation with fingers, the mouth, a penis, sex toys, or other objects or body parts.) as well).

I’ve linked some articles here for you that I think may help you get started with these questions and more.

Enjoy your college life, and here’s to starting your sexual life safely!

• On your STI risks • Male reproductive Choices • How to use condoms • Yield for Pleasure • Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To