Advice

Boyfriend, bummed

Question

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about one month and meanwhile he is climaxing quicker and quicker. He also says he's not really enjoying it as much because it's such a short time. Any suggestions or comments?

That’s pretty normal as partners get more comfortable having sex⁠ together, so you should let him know that doesn’t mean anything is wrong.

But if he’s not satisfied with that, the trick generally is just to mix it up: to mix in way more activities than intercourse⁠, and to focus on his whole body, and sexual⁠ activities which are more whole body, rather than just on his genitals⁠, or activities which are solely or primarily about direct genital contact. He can also, of course, focus more on receptive activities for you with his hands, mouth and other body parts, as that, too, will likely delay his orgasm⁠.

One other thing a lot of people with penises find works for them in regards to this is masturbation⁠ before dates. Too, bear in mind that the refractory period⁠ for younger people with penises is really quite short, so if his first orgasm comes quick and leaves him and/or you feeling unsatisfied, he can always have another go a little while after the first.

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    • Samantha Benac

    I’m just going to lay it down for you: sex will not be great unless you’re mentally and emotionally prepared. But “prepared” means something different for everyone. For one person, it might mean a solid, committed relationship. For another, it might mean having overcome some body image problems. And for yet another, you might just genuinely feel ready right out of the gate. We all require different things in order to be truly prepared to have sex for the first time. Some of us might require a lot, and some might require almost nothing. Sex might have a lot of emotional or moral meaning for one person, but for another, it might have no such weight behind it at all.