My boyfriend is sure he's a pulling-out champ, but I think I'm pregnant.

Is your period⁠ (period: The fluid – or flow – which contains blood, from the shedding of the uterine lining usually at the end of each menstrual cycle. Sometimes periods may be less fluid and more globby; this is the state that is often mistaken for blood clotting.) late? If it is, then by all means, take a pregnancy test⁠ (pregnancy test: What we tell you to take when you ask us if you’re pregnant. A test that can be done at home or by a healthcare provider to determine pregnancy. Usually a urine test, a pregnancy test measures for a specific hormone, hCG, only produced with pregnancy.) , as withdrawal⁠ (withdrawal: A method of birth control which involves the person with the penis “pulling out” of a vagina well before ejaculation and ejaculating away from a partner’s genitals.) is one of the least effective methods of birth control⁠ (birth control: Any number of methods people use to intentionally prevent unwanted pregnancy, including the condom, the cervical barrier, the implant, the patch, the pill, the rhythm method, the ring, the shot, the IUD, spermicide and withdrawal.) in typical use⁠ (typical use: When a birth control method is not used perfectly, every single time, the entire time. Many birth control methods will state their effectiveness rates with either “typical use” or “perfect use”.) .

If you don’t know when to expect your period, or your periods are often irregular, then just take a test when it’s been around 14 days since your last risk. And by all means, no more intercourse⁠ (intercourse: When people interlock their genitals and move together as feels good to them for the purpose of sexual stimulation and/or reproduction.) with no “method” but withdrawal until you know if you’re pregnant or not.

Too, pregnant or no, since you’ve been having unprotected sex⁠ (sex: Different things people choose to do to actively express or enact sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. ) you will also want to schedule a full STI⁠ (STI: Sexually transmitted infections: illness, infection and/or disease which is often or can be transmitted through sexual or other intimate contact, like HIV, Chlamydia or Herpes. Some people call STIs STDs.) screening soon, since you have had risks of sexually transmitted infections⁠ (sexually transmitted infections: STIs: illness, infection and/or disease which is often or can be transmitted through sexual or other intimate contact, like HIV, Chlamydia or Herpes. Some people call STIs STDs.) , too.

No matter what the results are here, your boyfriend is a full, grown man. There earnestly just isn’t any excuse for him to refuse to use or cooperate with a birth control method which is more effective and reliable. So also for your to-do list is a firm talk with him about how, if you do NOT want to become pregnant and are not ready for a pregnancy⁠ (pregnancy: The state of carrying a developing embryo or fetus within the uterus. Medically, someone is considered to be pregnant when an egg has been fertilized by sperm, cells divide, and the fertilized egg is implanted within the lining of the uterus.) , he can save his apparent Olympic withdrawal skills for someone else because you need a method you can count on and a partner⁠ (partner: In a sexual context, a person with whom someone is having some kind of sex. The term “partner” can be used for all kinds of relationships, not just serious ones. “Partner” can also mean the person someone is with in a romantic or familial partnership.) who acts like the grownup he is supposed to be.

Obviously, condoms are something you both can use and get almost anywhere, and which are very effective when used properly. And if neither of you has had STI tests yet, and six months of monogamy WITH protected sex, they’re a must. If you want more effectiveness⁠ (effectiveness: How well something works.) than a condom⁠ (condom: A thin sheath or tube of latex or another material, worn over the penis during sex to prevent or reduce the risk of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections.) , you can talk to your sexual⁠ (sexual: About or relating in some way to sex or sexuality.) healthcare provider⁠ (healthcare provider: A qualified person to provide sound physical and/or mental healthcare, such as a doctor, nurse, clinician, counselor, medical assistant, midwife or other healthcare professional.) about an additional method for you, be it another barrier method like a diaphragm or a hormonal method like the birth control pill.

I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re younger than your partner, one typical issue with an age difference between partners is that the younger often has a very hard time with limits and boundaries with the elder, particularly if that partner is taking advantage of that problem and not giving you any real room to have limits and boundaries. With any sexual partner⁠ (sexual partner: Someone besides yourself you have intentionally, actively and physically explored your sexual feelings with in some way, like via sexual activity such as intercourse, oral sex or manual sex.) , you should feel on equal footing, absolutely able to insist on simple, basic things like not being put at risks you don’t want to be shouldering, especially risks that impact you – not them – the most.

He’s not at risk of pregnancy: you are. So, what YOU need should take the highest priority, okay?

And if he won’t discuss this or refuses to use anything else, then it’s time for you to walk away from this guy and choose a partner next time who takes you into greater consideration and does his level best to be sure that he’s helping you any way he can to reduce your risks.

Extra bonus? When you’re just using a reliable birth control method, no one is having to go through every bout of sex thinking about pulling out⁠ (out: Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.) and worrying that the other person won’t in time, or it won’t work even if he does (which happens all the time). It’s pretty hard to have really enjoyable sex that way – when we’re worried, even just getting aroused is difficult – and if it’s not super-enjoyable for everyone, there’s just no point in doing it.

Here are a few more links to help round this out for you:

• Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
• Condom Basics: A User’s Manual
• Birth Control Bingo!
• Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To
• Potholes & Dead Ends: Relationship Roadblocks to Look Out For
• Hey, Boyfriend! Male Reproductive Choices