Hello, I’m a nineteen-year-old cis girl, and I really hate my chest. I feel very uncomfortable having boobs; I always try to dress in a way that obscures them, and when I imagine myself I like to imagine that I have a flat chest. It has been like this for many years, definitely since puberty, and makes me feel really terrible about myself. However, other than that, I’m comfortable with my anatomy (the idea of having different genitals is not appealing). It’s just confusing, because I identify as female and don’t believe that I want that to change. I am drawn to androgyny a lot as a style, and I admire enby people a lot too — however, I like using feminine pronouns. A close friend of mine has been on estrogen for a while now, and she is seeing results with breast growth, which is fantastic, but it led to us having a conversation about how we felt about our bodies. When I shared my feelings about my body, she said that I could look into gender-affirming care. But because I am not trans, I’m not sure if that makes sense/applies to me? I know some cis women get breast reduction surgery, maybe because of medical or lifestyle reasons (like pain from large breasts), but those factors do not apply to me (mine are not so large that they cause any pain). Another factor is confidence — I’m bi, and past partners, of all genders, have all enjoyed my chest, so I feel like if I had the body I want, people wouldn’t find me attractive as a woman anymore. I don’t know what to make of this. Thanks for reading.
Hello Jane!
Feeling uncomfortable in your body can really weigh on a person. Sometimes changes associated with puberty are welcome and exciting, and sometimes they are definitely not. You should know that you’re not alone; lots of cis women and girls aren’t thrilled about having breasts, or don’t like the ones they have. That’s not exclusive to people who are trans. It sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this, and hopefully some insight from an outsider will help you clarify a few things for yourself.
The mismatch between the body you have and the body you want is known as dysphoria. You may hear people talk about dysphoria specifically in terms of trans people, but anyone can experience it. Someone might not like their breasts, their nose, or any number of other things, for all kinds of reasons. Those might include social pressure; cultural attitudes; your relationship with gender; how you envision the person you want to see in the mirror; who those features come from genetically; physical comfort; and more.
Gender can be super complicated. Right now, it sounds like you are very confident in your identity as a cis woman but your conflict over your breasts is maybe making you feel a little weird about gender because socially, breasts are often a very gendered body part. Most people believe that only women can have breasts, and that all women have breasts, even though that’s not actually true. Breasts—whether home-grown or with a little help—can show up (or not) on anybody. Your breasts might interact with how you think about your gender, but they don’t have to.
It’s important to know that disliking your breasts doesn’t necessarily mean you’re transgender (have a gender identity that doesn’t match the one assigned to you) or gender nonconforming (you express your gender in ways that don’t align with how society thinks women should dress, look, and behave). Some cis women just don’t have or want breasts.
Conversely, being comfortable with other parts of your anatomy doesn’t mean a person is not transgender, either. Maybe you just need to clear your head by addressing your breast dysphoria before you can think more about your relationship to gender, if you want to, which is a-okay. (That thinking might also end with “yup, I am a cis woman.”)
Your trans friend mentioned gender-affirming care, which threw you off a bit, but you should know that gender-affirming care can be for everyone. Some women want reductions, or no breasts at all, because that affirms their own relationship with gender; some butch women (who may or may not consider themselves gender nonconforming too), for example, feel like their breasts conflict with the bodies they want. Some breast cancer survivors opt for what’s called “aesthetic flat closure,” with a mastectomy that explicitly includes “going flat” rather than trying to preserve breast tissue or get an augmentation. You can decide that breasts just don’t match who you are as a woman.
It’s also okay to make decisions about how your body looks and feels that have nothing to do with gender. As you noted, some people get breast reductions because of pain and discomfort. Some don’t like the look of their breasts, and want plastic surgery to augment, reduce, or reshape their breasts. And some people don’t want breasts at all. You can get a mastectomy, reduction, or other change because you know it’s right for you without making it about gender.
Some next steps to think about: You’re already engaging in a first step that makes you feel more comfortable when you wear loose clothing that obscures your breasts. And you’re loving androgynous style already, so you probably have some inspiration from friends, celebrities, or just people with amazing fashion you see across the street, so you can think more about the things about their appearance that appeal to you, and the tricks they might use to minimize or hide their breasts. There’s lots of inspiration on the web and while your dislike of your breasts might not be about gender, you might find more resources on sites for trans and gender nonconforming people—and yes, you’re allowed to use those resources as a cis woman if they are helpful for you, as long as you remain respectful in that space.
If you’re wanting to get a sense of how you might look and feel with smaller or no breasts, you can consider wearing a compression bra (or two) or a binder. While binding is generally safe, specifically with garments designed for this purpose, do make sure that you’re not binding 24 hours a day, and stop binding if you’re experiencing shortness of breath, a lot of pressure in your chest, or chest pain. Binders are often marketed to trans guys, but anyone with breasts can wear one—some cis women athletes, for example, wear compression garments. These options will change your silhouette so you can wear a wider variety of clothes without your breasts making an appearance, and it can also just feel affirming to look down and not immediately see your breasts.
You sound pretty dang sure that breasts are not your jam and you may be tired of experimenting with low-tech options like these. If you want, you can schedule a consult with a plastic surgeon to talk about your options. These might start with a reduction to see if that makes you more comfortable, or you can proceed right to asking for a mastectomy: It’s your body, and you get to control the conversation.
While you aren’t necessarily wanting a reduction for gender-related reasons and you don’t have cancer, surgeons who specialize in cancer care or top surgery for trans people are often the most knowledgeable and helpful if you’re looking for more than a reduction. Some post results photos (with patient consent!) on their websites or provide them on request, and you can also find reviews from patients talking about their experience and showing their results. They can provide you with information about different kinds of chest shaping: There’s aesthetic flat closure, surgeries that may be referred to as “masculinizing” although they don’t have to be, and other approaches to building the chest you want.
Depending on where you live and your insurance situation, your options for coverage may vary. Insurance companies usually distinguish between medical necessity (like pain or gender dysphoria) and aesthetic surgeries (like augmentations) and may not cover your surgery if they consider it “elective,” even if it is essential to your wellbeing. If that’s the case, your surgeon might work with you on trying to find a medical reason—which could include fudging a diagnosis that isn’t quite right for you, like gender dysphoria. Try to remember that this is just administrative, not a reflection of who you are: your feelings don’t have to match their medical reason.
As far as being concerned about whether people will find you attractive without breasts (or after a reduction), I have some good news for you: Being comfortable in your own body can make you happier and more confident, things many people find attractive. And because women are whole people, having or not having breasts shouldn’t be a dealbreaker for someone. There’s lots to enjoy and appreciate about someone’s body, whether it’s curvy hips, soft thighs, or amazing ankles. If someone is fixated on breasts, that’s probably not someone you want to date anyway—you’re not a cut of meat at the grocery store!
If you need more support with thinking about gender, breasts, or anything else, you can drop by our direct services. In the meantime, I hope you’re able to find room to breathe, explore, and live in the body that feels good to you.
