Sexuality and fiction

Greetings, fellow Lous McMaster Bujold fan!

Nothing more frustrating than getting into the groove of a good book only to get smacked in the head by misogyny, stereotypes, and general weirdness—and no, Jane, you’re not weird for not being into sexist assholes, and for knowing what you DO like! BUT, I have some great news for you: Romance is an amazingly diverse and fun genre, and it sounds like you’ve just scratched the surface.

While people tend to think of “romance” as lurid novels with heaving bosoms and purple prose (not that there’s anything wrong with that!), as a genre, romance is quite ancient—although some of our oldest romances aren’t necessarily labeled as such. A lot of Shakespeare is basically romance! As You Like It, The Taming of the Shrew (speaking of sexism⁠ (sexism: Prejudice, discrimination and oppression based on sex or gender or perceived or assigned sex or gender.) ), and A Midsummer Night’s Dream are all examples. Some of the work of the Brontë sisters and Jane Austen? Lord Byron? Also romance!

As a general rule, the core thing that makes a romance novel a romance novel is the ending: The happily ever after (or HEA) is a must-have, but the path to getting there can be incredibly varied. It might be paved with gross stereotypes, but it’s often not. And it’s important to know that if a book isn’t to your taste, that doesn’t make it bad! It’s just not for you, and that’s okay.

And I’ll let you in on a little secret: You can find sexist trash in all literary genres. There’s fancy literary fiction that is absolute garbage, with horrible gross sexist characters being terrible human beings, for example. The fact that only romance gets called out⁠ (out: Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.) for and associated with this should set off your bullshit detector. Interesting that a genre associated with women writers and readers gets put down all the time, isn’t it?

Another thing to know about romance is that authors and fans really, REALLY want you to find what you’re looking for. Books are clearly labeled so you can decide if they’re likely to be your jam. Right on the cover, in reviews, and in authors’ promotion, you can expect to see the type(s) of relationships that will appear in the book and the literary tropes the writer is deploying, or experimenting with. Enemies to lovers is exactly what it sounds like. Sapphic romance features lesbian⁠ (lesbian: Describes the sexual orientation of a woman who is sexually and emotionally attracted only or mostly to other women.) characters. And so on…

From the sound of your letter, you’re probably not going to be super into alpha hero and other romance centering around power imbalances, for example, unless that romance is upending those tropes (and they will tell you in cover copy and reviews). But if you’re looking for romance where people are on more equal footing, or playing with gender⁠ (gender: Characteristics that are seen or presented as distinguishing between male and female in a society. Gender may or may not include assigned or chosen: social roles, feelings, behaviors and/or presentation or appearance.) dynamics, something like partners in crime or different worlds could be fun.

I look for books with assertive⁠ (assertive: To be self-assured, self-confident. To stand up for oneself in a positive, nonviolent way.) characters who know what they want, set boundaries, and aren’t interested in chauvinist claptrap, no matter the genders of their love interests.

I’m personally a huge fan of period⁠ (period: The fluid – or flow – which contains blood, from the shedding of the uterine lining usually at the end of each menstrual cycle. Sometimes periods may be less fluid and more globby; this is the state that is often mistaken for blood clotting.) romances, especially those set in the Regency Era. Beverly Jenkinsexternal link, opens in a new tab is a very famous author in that genre, with a focus on Black characters in contemporary and historical fiction, and if you want more Black characters, check out Alyssa Coleexternal link, opens in a new tab. Georgette Heyer is a classic. I just finished Confounding Oaths, by Alexis Hallexternal link, opens in a new tab, which is a super fun and very gay⁠ (gay: A man who is attracted to other men, or a person of any sex or gender who is sexually and emotionally attracted to people of the same or a similar sex or gender. Often used alongside lesbian.) fantasy set in (sort of) the Regency era. Zen Choexternal link, opens in a new tab, a Malaysian fantasy and romance author, is also delightful. Wanting to go Victorian? India Holton’sexternal link, opens in a new tabbooks are spicy, charming, and fun. Something more fantasy and very queer⁠ (queer: In the context of sexuality, a broad term for sexual orientation that can describe any number of orientations which are not heterosexual. People who identify as queer may be bisexual or pansexual, gay or lesbian, questioning, asexual or more.) ? TJ Kluneexternal link, opens in a new tab isn’t exactly a romance author, but writes very cozy, sweet, gay love stories.

Want more leads? The romance community, also affectionately known as Romancelandia, is VERY active on social media and that’s often a good place to start when it comes to finding authors and books. Those follows are going to lead you to other great authors, because romance writers love supporting each other and helping readers find their next fave. FYI, romance authors are also highly politically engaged; Romancing the Voteexternal link, opens in a new tab has raised over one million dollars for voting rights! Some of the authors I now read I actually started following for their politics and cultural commentary.

For example, Courtney Milanexternal link, opens in a new tab—who is also an attorney and former Supreme Court clerk!—is a great follow on social media, as are Bree Bridges (@mostlybree on many platforms) and Donna Herren (@totallydonna), who write collectively as Kit Rochaexternal link, opens in a new tab. Another fun one is Chuck Tingleexternal link, opens in a new tab, famous for his “Tinglers,” romantic⁠ (romantic: Of, or relating to, intimate or passionate love or interest.) , saucy, and fun novellas. There’s also Delilah S. Dawsonexternal link, opens in a new tab, Rose Lernerexternal link, opens in a new tab, and Julie Murphyexternal link, opens in a new tab, who writes young adult as well as romance, and as a fat woman, knows her way around a fat character. Smart Bitches, Trashy Booksexternal link, opens in a new tab, r/RomanceBooksexternal link, opens in a new tab, and LGBQT Readsexternal link, opens in a new tab are great for book recommendations as well as discussion of romance more broadly, as are bookstores such as The Ripped Bodiceexternal link, opens in a new tab. Tik Tok also has a very lively romance community, as does Instagram, if you use either of those platforms, and again, users you like will lead you to users with similar tastes!

It’s worth trying out an assortment of authors and recommended books to see if you find a style of romance that appeals to you, but it’s also ultimately okay if you decide “eh, I’m not just not really into romance.” If it’s love stories and sexytimes you want, those are present in all genres, including, as you note, science fiction, where you’ll also have to do some experimentation to find authors and books that are right for you. Fanfiction also furnishes a wealth of romance if you’re a person who reads a book, falls in love with the characters, and longs to find writing that plays with the characters and their world, and like romance, fanfiction is VERY well tagged, with details at the top⁠ (top: In sexuality, this is someone who wants to take the/a lead during sex with a partner or partners, or to consensually take the role of being in charge of sexual actions.) of every story about what kinds of pairings and events to expect, along with warnings so readers can be informed about whether that story is for them. Archive of Our Ownexternal link, opens in a new tab is an incredible repository of fanfic and a great place to start if you’re new.

I wish you luck and happy reading in finding books that speak to you!