relationships
Scarleteen Confidential: Helping Youth Handle Rejection
Young people don’t arrive at their conclusions about appropriate romantic behavior in a vacuum; they’re influenced by a myriad of messages, including input from the adults in their lives. Sometimes that input includes ideas that end up exacerbating issues around rejection and dating. One of the ways we can work towards a world in which acts like this no longer happen, a world in which people, and women in particular, aren’t afraid their “no” will make them a target of violence, is to make a concerted effort to help the young people in our lives learn to deal with rejection in healthy ways. With that in mind, we’ve put together recommendations to assist adults in doing exactly that.
How can a sex life become mutually pleasurable when you don't want the same things?
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over a year. We have had sex maybe three times. The past couple of months, I've been touching her and going down and doing everything to please her....
No. More.
What should you do when someone says no to or otherwise refuses or declines your romantic or sexual gestures or asks Accept it and stop making those gestures or asks. That's the right answer every single time: just accept someone's no and then back right off.
Asking or otherwise pressing over and over isn't the right answer. "Not giving up" (which often looks a whole lot like harassment) isn't the right answer. Trying to get them to change their mind isn't the right answer. Trying to get them to change their mind through their friends or family also isn't the right answer. And while it should be obvious, we so sadly know that it isn't: no kind of violence is ever the right answer.
How do I cope with being a lesbian and single?
I feel like my loneliness is eating me alive. Every time I wake up, I expect someone to be sleeping next to me. However, no one ends up being there and it's rather devastating to me. I am not in the place in my life where I have time for a relationship. Also, I am paranoid that I will never meet anyone and that I will die alone. I'm going off to college in a year, will I meet other people there?...
I'm a lesbian with conflicting feelings about only wanting to have sex with one person, the person I marry.
I recently came out a lesbian. I have known I was a lesbian for a very long time. I'm not like most teenagers. I really just want to settle down and get married. However, I know I must go through a few long term relationships in order to do that. But, I only want to have sex with one person, my committed, married partner....
I want nonmonogamy. She doesn't. What can I do?
Me and my girlfriend are having some issues. We are very happy together and we wish to remain together. I’ve considered myself to be a non-monogamist for a long time now. My desire to have sexual but non-romantic relations with other girls makes her uncomfortable....
How do I get rid of a slut reputation?
I'm 15 years old and a freshman in high school. I had no self-confidence in middle school and I have glasses, braces, and I have to get my eyebrows and upper lip waxed because I naturally have a unibrow/mustache. I really wanted to be thought of as desirable, hot, and sexy since I felt so ugly all the time....
What should I do to ease my doubts?
I feel that I am not a conservative person, but one thing I can not accept is about hook-up culture: about casual sex and one night stands....
Boyfriend is bi??
My boyfriend of a year and a half recently confessed to me that he is bisexual. It's only been two days, so I'm still soaking it in and accepting it. I am the only person he has told. None of his family knows, because they are very religious and would likely be unsupportive. His sexuality, in no way, changes my feelings for him... like I told him, I fell in love with WHO he is, not WHAT he is....