boundaries

What Is Healthy Sexual Development?

Depending on your view, the answer to that question might seem really obvious or very tricky and hazy.

At a recent conference I was part of in London, Alan McKee presented Healthy sexual development: a multidisciplinary framework for research. What McKee and his colleagues determined to be the core parts of healthy sexual development had me jumping up and down in my seat with joy (literally: I may have disturbed my fellow attendees with my bouncing). It summed up the things we try to support, encourage and inform our users with and keep core at Scarleteen so well, and so much of what I think -- after many years of thinking hard about and working with these issues, and being fully and broadly immersed in them with a very diverse population -- truly is central to healthy sexual development.

I'm delighted to have permission to excerpt and reprint this framework here.

Hooking Up Can Be Awkward - Until It's Great

I host consent workshops professionally, and at one point during past workshops, when the audience is generally settled and feeling comfortable opening up, I have asked, “Who here has ever had something silly and awkward happen during a hookup? Even slightly awkward.” Hands have shot straight up and we all ended up getting a good laugh out of it. It just goes to show how awkward connecting with sex can be, whether you're in bed, thinking about it, or just talking about it!

I think a lot of these awkward moments happen because of the conversations we are having around our romance, or, should I say, the conversations we aren't having.

Some basic gay-tiquette

Capturetheworld
asks:
My best friend just came out to me and I came out to him... now he wants to have sexual relations, what do I do? It all happened a week ago. He told me he was bi, I told him that I am gay. After an awkward conversation he told me that he wanted to have sex with me minus an actual relationship and he told me that he prefers women but likes men as well....

Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

Is your sex life or sexual relationship feeling like someone pressed the fast-forward button and now it's spinning out of control? Evaluate whether things are moving too fast for you or a partner, and then get some help on pulling back the reins and slowing things down to a more comfortable pace.

He's Giving Me 8 Weeks to be Ready for Intercourse... Help!

confused@19
asks:
I've been seeing this guy from school for a couple months: three to be exact. From the moment we've met he's been interested in having sex, especially after he found out that I am a virgin and now he wants to be my first. He's pressuring me for pictures and oral sex, which we did but now he's pressuring me more for full on sex....

How can I keep from getting upset when he ignores my no?

Elizabeth1
asks:
I'm 15 and my bf told me about a week ago that he thought I should be loosing my virginity and a few days ago I did. I was ok with this and only said once that if it was ok with him I'd like to stop (the way he was looking at me was creeping me out), but it wasn't ok with him so he kept going....