boundaries

This is one of those situations that I think is telling you it’s time to start claiming – and insisting upon – your independence. I kept the title you chose for this because it’s clear you know what the problem is: control. The solution is about control, too: you taking control of your own life…

Then don’t! Here’s a feast of support and help for those who want to say no, not now, or not-like-this to sex or sexual relationships.

Have you been forgoing time with friends to hang out with your significant other, or vice versa? Either way, read on for help in dealing with this sticky predicament.

Sparknolee’s question continued: Whenever we’re out, he says he sees boys look at me and he wants to punch them. I find this is too far as he even admitted himself he sees “hot girls” when he’s out but has assured that he never sees them as a girlfriend. I understand that. Whenever he says he…

He doesn’t want to engage in sex with condoms (or, I assume, anything that would reduce your risks of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections). You don’t want to engage in sex without those things. So, your limit, a limit you need to make clear to him, is that you won’t engage in sex without…

BeckisBack’s question continued: I’ve never been sexual with any of my boyfriends. I merely look for acceptance and affection in a relationship, and do the same for them in return. Another thing I will not do is exploit my body, and even though I trust him very much, I don’t want to send a picture…

Does sex feel like it’s “just happening,” rather than something you’re actively doing? Here’s how to change that.

You did nothing wrong. The idea someone “asks for” something they don’t want, something that they experience as a violation, is a trope that I wish would go the way of the dodo bird. Understand, I’m not upset with you for saying that; I’m upset with the culture that sends messages that make you…

If cunnilingus isn’t an activity he enjoys, and he’s made clear he doesn’t enjoy it and doesn’t want to do it, in my book you don’t bring it up again as something you want. He’s made clear it’s just not for him right now, and he tried it twice to see. He knows you’re interested in it, so he’s…

The big emotion that comes through what you’ve written here isn’t love or loyalty. It’s anger. Big, big anger, in giant waves, in what you’re saying and in how you’ve said it. There is so much here – far more, I think, than your boyfriend using porn, or what’s in the porn he’s looking at – that a…