My Best Friend Is A Homophobe

About a week before my sixteenth birthday I discovered something about myself that was a shock to everyone that I told. I am a lesbian⁠ (lesbian: Describes the sexual orientation of a woman who is sexually and emotionally attracted only or mostly to other women.) . Just this past year I have had six different boyfriends and had sex⁠ (sex: Different things people choose to do to actively express or enact sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. ) with two of them, but after spending three days with one of my good friends, who is also a lesbian, I knew what had been going on in my head since I was little.

My best friend is a complete homophobe.

We have talked about those kind of things before I decided I was a lesbian. She always told me how weird and unnatural it is. But while it might be for her, for me, it’s not.

She is a very good Christian, a virgin, gets all A’s and B’s in school, and she has never used alcohol or drugs. She is a parent’s dream.

Unlike me. I get D’s and F’s… C’s if I am lucky. I participate in after school activities such as Drama, Newspaper, and Speech. I have to have a 2.0 in order to participate in those clubs/teams. That is the only reason I even try.

I really want to tell her that I am gay⁠ (gay: A man who is attracted to other men, or a person of any sex or gender who is sexually and emotionally attracted to people of the same or a similar sex or gender. Often used alongside lesbian.) , but I don’t know how.

I know that she will never want to hang out⁠ (out: Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.) with me or anything for fear that I will be attracted to her, which I am not.

We are like sisters. She literally calls my mother “Momma”.

I haven’t told my mom, dad, or step dad yet, but I have talked to my step mom. She was very accepting and gave me a hug after I confided in her. She told me not to tell my mom or dad about it because they won’t understand.

I have also confided in almost all of my friends… except my best friend.

At my birthday party when she asked me why I broke up with Lance I thought I was going to die. I just changed the subject, of course. A few days after that I started dating one of my lesbian friends, but she broke up with me because she was in love with one of her other friends who isn’t gay. (Funny how that worked out.) But we are still good friends.

My best friend is the most important person to me right now. I have no clue what I can do to change her mind on the subject. I love her to death: like a sister. I cannot afford to lose her.

But I know I have to tell her because if she finds out from someone else it will be much worse.