Queer Life

As we approach this new annum and everything that lies in store, instead of thinking about the ephemera one could manifest into being, I want to ask how we create the space to make our queer love and joy stand out and shine.

The words we use to talk about sexuality and gender matter, but do they have to be so complicated?

elinor’s question continued: I know many people experience different romantic vs sexual attraction, and from talking to him, I feel like he is a little more sexually attracted to men, and a more romantically attracted to women. We also have a very friendly/open sort of relationship (we started off…

Good on you for aiming for social grace even when other people are being clumsy. You probably already know this, but it’s going to happen in your life that people are going to have feelings for you that you don’t share; have interest in doing things with you that you don’t have an interest in…

Be yourself, even if that means that there isn’t a label for you. Explain to anyone who matters who you are. You’re not your labels.

Although I think of myself as South Asian, I was born overseas and have always lived in a Western country. Our family still carries many of our traditional values from back home and we have a large community here. I came out to my parents around 3 years after having my own realizations. The impetus for this was that they had started to look for marriage partners for me.

Meyli’s question continued: Last night, he went out with a couple guy friends, and they went to a fastfood place for dinner. One of the workers, a middle-aged man, touched him (can I say he grabbed his ass?) innapropriately. He was really freaked out by that, obviously anyone would be. It was a…

My family is supportive of my life, as long as they get to ignore the queer part. I know they can’t handle it so I don’t talk about it with them. As for my community of colour, the only one I’ve ever really been a part of is my mom’s church family, and I know they wouldn’t be able to handle it either.

Being queer and South Asian isn’t easy; being queer and mixed is harder, because any community can put it down to the OTHER identity group. That said, my Indian grandmother has been incredibly supportive, and no one has written me hate mail or disowned me. I’m very grateful for the internet, and for the time I’ve spent in larger cities. Both give me a sense that there’s someplace I might sort of fit in.

I’ve known that I am attracted to men for as long as I can remember. I identify as a MSM or as “downe” rather than as bisexual. Being attracted to men didn’t bother me as much as how that attraction would play out. There aren’t many black MSMs in the media so it was hard for me to reconcile my race and my masculinity with my attraction to men. I felt as though I would be seen as weak or effeminate by others.