The Pregnancy Panic Companion

In the thick of a pregnancy⁠ (pregnancy: The state of carrying a developing embryo or fetus within the uterus. Medically, someone is considered to be pregnant when an egg has been fertilized by sperm, cells divide, and the fertilized egg is implanted within the lining of the uterus.) scare? Freaking out⁠ (out: Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.) ? Not sure what to do? We know how scary this can be, and we're here to have your back in it.

Take a few deep breaths (really: do some good, slow breathing, you'll feel better and be able to think more clearly once you do), and have a seat. Based on your unique situation, we'll walk you through your next steps, give you some extra helps, fill you in on some common self-sabotagers, and do our best to help you chill out and pull it together so you can get through a scare without losing your mind and your well-being in the process.

Is your (or a partner's or friend's) menstrual period not yet due?

In other words, a period⁠ (period: The fluid – or flow – which contains blood, from the shedding of the uterine lining usually at the end of each menstrual cycle. Sometimes periods may be less fluid and more globby; this is the state that is often mistaken for blood clotting.) isn't late or missed, because it's not even due for another few days or weeks. Click here for your next steps.

Are you (or a partner or friend's) due for a menstrual period around now, but it's not late yet?

Click here for your next steps.

Are you (or a partner or friend) currently experiencing a late or missed menstrual period?

In other words, a menstrual period⁠ (menstrual period: The shedding of the uterine lining as part of the menstrual cycle. This often appears as a bloody liquid, but sometimes is more solid, and is made of numerous components, of which blood is only one.) has not yet arrived and was expected at least five or more days ago. Click here for your next steps.

Do you (or a partner or friend) have irregular periods, so you can't really answer the questions above?

If your (or your partner⁠ (partner: In a sexual context, a person with whom someone is having some kind of sex. The term "partner" can be used for all kinds of relationships, not just serious ones. "Partner" can also mean the person someone is with in a romantic or familial partnership.) 's) menstrual⁠ (menstrual: Having to do with menstruation.) periods are irregular, or you (or your partner) use a method of contraception⁠ (contraception: Devices, medications or behaviors used to intentionally aim to prevent pregnancy, including the condom, the cervical barrier, the implant, the patch, the pill, the rhythm method, the ring, the shot, the IUD, spermicide and withdrawal.) that often causes skipped or missed periods, click here for your next steps.

Have you (or a partner or friend) had a menstrual period since the risk you are concerned about?

A menstrual period is happening now or has occurred since the risk you're concerned about, but you're still worried about pregnancy. Click here for your next steps.

Have you (or a partner or friend) had a pregnancy test with a positive (pregnant) result?

Click here for your next steps.

Have you (or a partner or friend) had a pregnancy test with a negative (not pregnant) result?

Click here for your next steps.

Not sure if you or someone else have/has had a real risk of pregnancy or not?

In order for pregnancy to be a possibility, the kind of contact that has to happen is:

• Direct (with no clothing, at all, covering anyone's genitals⁠ (genitals: Body parts that are generally, culturally, scientifically or personally considered to be external sexual or reproductive organs.) ) genital-to-genital contact between someone with a penis⁠ (penis: One of the two external reproductive organs of people often assigned male at birth.) and someone with a vulva⁠ (vulva: The name for the external genitals of people assigned female at birth. The vulva includes the mons, external clitoris, inner and outer labia, fourchette and perineum.) , such as genital intercourse⁠ (intercourse: When people interlock their genitals and move together as feels good to them for the purpose of sexual stimulation and/or reproduction.) or otherwise rubbing genitals together OR
• Direct contact with ejaculate ( semen⁠ (semen: Fluid which comes from the urethra of the penis during ejaculation, and which usually contains sperm.) ) and the vulva, vaginal opening⁠ (vaginal opening: The external opening to the vagina.) or anus⁠ (anus: The external opening to the rectum, located between the buttocks.) .

BUT (and it's a really big one): If either of those kinds of contact did occur, but one or more reliable methods of contraception was used properly, that risk is radically reduced, by a minimum of 70%*, and as much as 99.9%. And even if you used two methods, any two reliable methods at all -- like the pill⁠ (the pill: A common term for birth control pills/oral contraceptives. A hormonal medication used to prevent unwanted pregnancy.) plus withdrawal⁠ (withdrawal: A method of birth control which involves the person with the penis "pulling out" of a vagina well before ejaculation and ejaculating away from a partner's genitals.) , or a condom⁠ (condom: A thin sheath or tube of latex or another material, worn over the penis during sex to prevent or reduce the risk of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections.) plus a Depo shot -- only typically, rather than perfectly, you still will only have had about a 10% risk of pregnancy at a maximum.

Scenarios like these are NOT how pregnancy happens:

• Masturbation or mutual masturbation⁠ (mutual masturbation: When sexual partners masturbate together. Sometimes people also use "mutual masturbation" to mean manual sex (fingering or handjobs) done at the same time.) (masturbating in the same space with someone else)
• Being in the same space as someone with a penis and doing things like using their towels, sharing a a toilet, touching their clothing, or sharing a bed to sleep or rest in
• Sitting somewhere where someone did or may have ejaculated
• Taking a shower, bath or swim with someone with a penis
• Thinking about sex⁠ (sex: Different things people choose to do to actively express or enact sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. ) or fantasizing
• Kissing, making out⁠ (making out: A vague term, but often a session of extended activity that includes passionate or deep kissing, some kind of other body contact and may even include other kinds of sex, like manual sex (fingering or handjobs).) or fondling
• Dry humping (rubbing genitals together when one or more people involved have some kind of clothing on that covers the genitals)
• Oral sex or manual sex⁠ (manual sex: Sometimes also called digital sex. Kinds of sex involving the hands and fingers to sexually stimulate the genitals or other parts of the body. Fingering, handjobs or "fisting" (deep manual sex) are some kinds of manual sex.) (fingering or handjobs)
• Contact with pre-ejaculate⁠ (pre-ejaculate: A fluid which the penis usually emits with or around erection and before ejaculation, sometimes more than once. Pre-ejaculate itself does not contain sperm, but in some cases, can pick up traces of sperm left in the urethra.) , but NOT during intercourse or direct genital-to-genital contact
• Touching yourself after you touched someone whose hand has touched their penis
• Having someone with a penis ejaculate on some part of the body other than your genitals, like your buttocks, back or breasts
• Direct genital-to-genital contact or direct contact with ejaculate when you and a partner have the same kinds of genitals (like each of you having a vulva or each of you having a penis)

Situations like these are ways pregnancy can theoretically occur, but where it is not at all likely:

• Rubbing the vulva with hands that have recently touched semen
• Intercourse or other direct genital-to-genital or genital fluid contact where two (or more) reliable methods of contraception were used properly
• Unprotected anal sex⁠ (anal sex: Sexual activity involving the anus. Anal sex may include stimulation with fingers, the mouth, a penis, sex toys, or other objects or body parts.) without ejaculation⁠ (ejaculation: In a sexual context, a discharge of genital fluid, usually (but not always) as a result of sexual stimulation and/or orgasm.)

Are pregnancy scares a constant for you, or occurring even when you're not having the kinds of contact that can result in pregnancy in reality?

1) Do you know the facts about how pregnancy happens, and what can and cannot present real risks of pregnancy? If not, you can educate yourself here or here. If you already know the facts, or find that now that you have them, you still feel scared or can't believe them, then this probably isn't about a lack of education about reproduction.

2) Do yourself a solid and take any kind of contact that is freaking you out like this off the table ASAP for now (that you can: for instance, if living in a house with family members who have a penis is freaking you out, you can't very well ask them to leave so you can deal). If you are not in a relationship⁠ (relationship: An ongoing interaction or association with another person, place or thing.) where you feel you are allowed to have any limits you need with sex of any kind, that's a cue you're not in a healthy relationship or dynamic, or just not yet able to assert yourself enough to manage sexual⁠ (sexual: About or relating in some way to sex or sexuality.) activity, so may need to get yourself away from that relationship, period. If you are stuck in a panic about this as a result of sexual abuse⁠ (abuse: Purposeful harm or mistreatment of another person, which can be verbal, emotional, physical or sexual. An ongoing pattern or cycle of such mistreatment or harm can characterize an abusive relationship.) or assault, seeking out therapeutic support for you to learn to manage your feelings post- trauma⁠ (trauma: A serious or critical physical and/or emotional injury or physically and/or emotionally painful experience.) will often help.

3) Take some real time -- not hours or a few days, but a week or two or even a few months or more, whatever you need -- to figure out what you need to have these kinds of contact comfortably and without panic.  Only engage in that kind of contact again when you CAN have what you need to be comfortable, whether that's two methods of contraception, a different partner or kind of relationship, or counseling or therapy to help you with assertiveness, sexual fear or shame or an anxiety disorder.

4) If none of the above has any big impact on your fears over the next few weeks or months, then it's time to seek out some help from a qualified mental health professional, like a counselor or therapist.

Want more information about pregnancy scares, pregnancy, contraception and making sexual choices you feel comfortable with?

• Pregnancy Scared?
• Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide
• On the Rag: A Guide to Menstruation
• Let's Dial Down Some (Maybe) Ovulation Freakouts
• Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul
• You're Not Pregnant. So, Why Do You Think You Are?
• Peeing on a Stick: All About Pregnancy Tests
• Birth Control Bingo!
• The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method
• Have a Little Faith in BC
• Who's Afraid of Sperm Cells?
• Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
• Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices
• Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

Here's some information from other credible sources:

• Can I Get Pregnant If...? (Options for Sexual Health)
• Could I be Pregnant? (Teen Health Source)
• How Pregnancy Happens (Planned Parenthood)
• Am I Pregnant? (Brook)

*Effectiveness rates for methods of contraception are figured for one full year of use. Figures presented here and elsewhere about effectiveness⁠ (effectiveness: How well something works.) , with the exception of emergency contraception methods, present effectiveness rates over one full year of use, not per use or per day.