Is my vagina really loose?

You can tell your partner⁠ (partner: In a sexual context, a person with whom someone is having some kind of sex. The term “partner” can be used for all kinds of relationships, not just serious ones. “Partner” can also mean the person someone is with in a romantic or familial partnership.) that he’s incredibly misinformed.

You might want to check out⁠ (out: Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.) my answer to another question about vaginal tightness. But the short answer here is that your partner is woefully confused about sexual⁠ (sexual: About or relating in some way to sex or sexuality.) anatomy⁠ (anatomy: The body, parts of the body, or physical structure of organisms like people, animals or plants.) and arousal⁠ (arousal: A state of sexual excitement and interest that sends messages to the brain which create physical changes and sensations, such as increased blood pressure, erection, lubrication, loosening of the vaginal or anal muscles, and increased physical sensitivity.) . The vagina⁠ (vagina: The internal passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus.) does not permanently change due to inserting an object or sexual activities. Heck, a baby can come through the vaginal canal and (in most cases) not cause any significant changes to it…why in the world would a penis⁠ (penis: One of the two external reproductive organs of people often assigned male at birth.) cause changes if a baby won’t? I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a penis the size of a full-term baby!

While permanent changes do not occur, temporary changes do happen during arousal. When a person with a vagina is relaxed and aroused, the vaginal canal loosens and the cervix⁠ (cervix: The opening to the uterus, the bottom of which is at the back end of the vagina.) pulls up to create more room in there. So things feel loose because you’re aroused and because that’s the way they’re supposed to be when you’re inserting something into your body  that you want and are into. If you’re “tight,” that’s a good sign that you’re not aroused or that you’re not really wanting or ready for anything to be inserted into your vaginal canal.

If your partner thinks that you should be tight during vaginal or manual sex⁠ (manual sex: Sometimes also called digital sex. Kinds of sex involving the hands and fingers to sexually stimulate the genitals or other parts of the body. Fingering, handjobs or “fisting” (deep manual sex) are some kinds of manual sex.) or that you must be cheating if you’re not tight, then he’s the one that’s wrong here, not you. Your body is just responding the way that it should. Unfortunately, we’ve developed this cultural obsession with a) tightness being a good thing, and b) the state of a person’s vagina as some indication of fidelity. Both of those are completely wrong.

So let you’re partner in on the truth. If he refuses to believe you, you’re welcome to send him here and we’ll tell him the same thing! And if he still doesn’t like it, then your best bet is to find a new partner who understands the way that arousal works and wants you to enjoy sexual activity.