I’m 16 years old, and I’ve been in 3 relationships. Nothing serious - no sexual activity or true commitments or anything - but I’ve genuinely enjoyed the company of all three people I’ve been with, and I find myself thinking back fondly on memories with them. None of the three relationships have ended badly. Yet....
You know it's time to go, and you know it's also time to start letting go. You probably have a whirlwind of different feelings about it. You may be leaving the worst relationshipyou've ever had, you may find yourself having to let go of what felt like the very best one. Maybe it's a friend, maybe it's a love, maybe it's a FWB, your town, your family, or even just a way of thinking or believing. No matter what it was, what you know it's got to be now is over and what you've got to start to get is over it.
Okay there’s a girl I really REALLY like. Like I’ve written at least an album's worth of songs about her and I can’t stop thinking about her. Well, recently I’ve started to think about having sex with her. The thing is I’ve had sex fantasies before but those were with celebrities, and the thought of wanting to have sex with someone I know freaks me out because I’m only 14....
Young people don’t arrive at their conclusions about appropriate romantic behavior in a vacuum; they’re influenced by a myriad of messages, including input from the adults in their lives. Sometimes that input includes ideas that end up exacerbating issues around rejection and dating. One of the ways we can work towards a world in which acts like this no longer happen, a world in which people, and women in particular, aren’t afraid their “no” will make them a target of violence, is to make a concerted effort to help the young people in our lives learn to deal with rejection in healthy ways. With that in mind, we’ve put together recommendations to assist adults in doing exactly that.
What should you do when someone says no to or otherwise refuses or declines your romantic or sexual gestures or asks Accept it and stop making those gestures or asks. That's the right answer every single time: just accept someone's no and then back right off.
Asking or otherwise pressing over and over isn't the right answer. "Not giving up" (which often looks a whole lot like harassment) isn't the right answer. Trying to get them to change their mind isn't the right answer. Trying to get them to change their mind through their friends or family also isn't the right answer. And while it should be obvious, we so sadly know that it isn't: no kind of violence is ever the right answer.