Is there a good way to figure out if you want to have sex? Two years ago, I left a relationship in which I had sex that was extremely physically painful, in which I was shamed and blamed for that pain and he threatened to leave me if I showed any "lack of enthusiasm". Since then I have not had sex....
Real-deal consent requires clear, open and honest communication. And if we're going ahead and actually being sexual together in some way, that also means an ongoing, nuanced and pretty highly situational process of communication, not just one or two super-quick, super-basic exchanges.
Not only is communication as a process essential to keeping it consensual, it's a big part of sex actually being any good for everyone involved.
I come from an emotionally abusive home that occasionally gets physical. I was sexually assaulted by a family member when I was nine -not one who lives with me, and almost no one in the family knows. About a year ago, I cut the strings on a friendship that had gotten out of hand and turned into an abusive situation. I have been battling with depression for at least nine years....
I am tired of disbelief.
I am tired of skepticism.
I am someone who does, genuinely, believe in the value of looking at things with a critical eye, of being cautious, of acknowledging that there are two sides to every story.
But I am tired of it when it comes to people who have been, or are being, harmed or made vulnerable.
A friend of mine was in a relationship about 2 years ago. He's a guy. His girlfriend at the time pressured him into doing oral sex by saying that if he didn't do it that meant he didn't love her. Would that be sexual abuse? Because if a guy pressured a girl into giving him a blow job that would be considered sexual abuse and I'm just double-checking to see if that goes both ways....
Eleven years have gone by since I first came to Scarleteen as a very frightened, very lost sixteen year-old who had nowhere else to go and was ready to give up altogether.
I don't remember now what I wrote or what I asked for. But I will never forget seeing a response from Heather which read "I believe you, and I care."
When one person walks up to another person on the street and just starts punching them in the face, we don't call it boxing. We don't call it "unwanted boxing." We call it assault.
I'm an 18 year old virgin. A few months back, I was out clubbing with a friend, and she wanted me to make-out with a guy, because she does it all the time when we go clubbing. I started dancing with a guy, and we started kissing, which I DID want to do. But then he started putting his hand up my skirt, and then in my underwear....