assault

The last installment in a series on the physical effects of sexual trauma. To conclude the series, we’re talking about talking: namely, how to talk with sexual partners about any physical effects that you have experienced as a survivor of sexual trauma.

Want to try and seek some closure through a discussion with an abuser or assailant? Here’s how to do it as safely as possible.

In this third installment of this series, we hear from a survivor who developed substantial physical concerns after her trauma experiences. Kayla* is a survivor of multiple episodes of sexual trauma, and she has undergone extensive care for her post-traumatic symptoms.

Grace is a survivor who has something to ask of you: she’s asking you not to spend time with people who have abused me or any other survivor you know. And she’s also telling you quite a lot about why.

Intellectually, I understand that success and safety do not invalidate struggle. I understand that I will feel the impacts of sexual violence regardless of how well I do in school or how much better life gets for me. But because a majority of people in my life only see the “successful” parts and not the difficult parts, and because so often people’s expectations of survivors stand counter to this, many people find it harder to believe that I’ve even experienced sexual violence. And that can make it harder for me and other survivors to emotionally feel and believe what we intellectually understand: our success does not invalidate our struggle.

I’m so sorry that you have been in this situation, Michael. It sounds stressful and heartbreaking. Let’s see if I can help a little. Before I say anything else, I want to strongly suggest that you do not have any sex, of any kind, with anyone, that you do not also very much want yourself. It’s no…

“Folks, the main thing I hope to realize is that you are a very powerful social creator, no part of human culture exists without humans creating it and you literally have the power to do that. Of course, you don’t have all the power, but listen: power is not just out there in some kind of blob form, power is inside of everyone of us. We don’t have all the power but we have our power and we can decide how to use it.”

It’s likely that you will or already do know someone who will experience or has experienced trauma of some form. As friends, it’s important that we understand the responsibilities and limitations of our role, so we can best support our friends who are survivors and maintain our boundaries. Has someone disclosed to you a traumatic experience they’ve had? How can you best support that person and yourself? Here’s some information about trauma, the role of friends, and what it means to really support survivors.

As long as rape culture exists, it may be impossible to create perfect survivor-focused policies. However, unlike with Title IX, Canada should create federal policies that prioritize on making sure campus is a safer place for survivors, rather than questioning their experiences.

I wish I could find out who is spreading the idea that thinking about sex often, masturbating fruequently, or using sexual media indicates someone is on a path towards “sex addiction.” You’re far from the first person to ask about it in our direct services. I’d like to have some harsh words with…