communication

At least once every couple of days, someone posts or writes into Scarleteen reporting that vaginal entry – usually intercourse or manual vaginal sex, and usually (but not always) with cisgender male partners – is painful, uncomfortable, or unfulfilling for them. Whatever sort of vaginal entry we’re talking about – with fingers, a penis or a dildo, with partners of any gender – not only doesn’t have to be painful, it really shouldn’t be. More than that, any kind of sex shouldn’t be about a lack of pain, but about the presence of pleasure.

We get a lot of questions at Scarleteen from folks who are worried about periods that are MIA (missing in action, for us civilians).

If we look at our sexuality one way, it looks a million times simpler than it actually is. If we look at it another way, it appears a million times more complicated. While it’s important that we bear everything in mind we need to in terms of infection and disease, birth control, our relationships, our bodies and the whole works, now and then we need to remember the bare bones and the human element of the thing, and keep the essentials in the forefront of our minds.

After a few years of being the postergirl for alternative approaches to menstruation – writing articles, being interviewed, doing workshops, selling washable pads to women and getting involved in too many party conversations on the topic to possibly count – something is starting to give. The truth is, I’m starting to get a little bit tired of being nice. I’ve lost my patience with trying to pussyfoot around the issue until women are willing to talk about their own blood. And so, as a form of cleansing for me and education for you – should you choose to engage in it – I have penned the following set of arguments dispelling the myths about washable menstrual pads and your period. So there.

There is really only one thing that you need to know about sex and disability: Disabled people have sex, too.

Have you just come out of the closet, or are you peeking through the keyhole thinking about it? Is life on the outside starting to look inviting, shiny and new? (Yes, even you back there, hiding behind that box of moth balls and Aunt Ethel’s spectator pumps.)

The more common meaning and implication of the term came to change around the 13th century and derived a sexual, sexist and moralistic meaning. With that change, the word now implied that staying a virgin until marriage guaranteed that a woman would uphold the family honor by passing from father to husband as an object that was owned – her virginity, her own body, was a thing of value that would be owned by her father, until such time as ownership of her virginity, body and sexuality would be transferred to her husband.

Many people in long-term, committed relationships, be it marriage or steady partnership – no matter their age – have ideas about sex in partnerships they may not even be aware of. Often we base our ideas of relationships and sexuality on what we see in the media or in movies, on what our parents relationship is like, or on what we imagine, in a perfect world, sex and love to be. Talking about what those ideas are, communicating our feelings honestly, and creating clear limits and honoring them make everyone happier and healthier.

Thinking about partnered sex? Do yourself a favor and look through our checklist to get a good idea about the readiness of you and your partner – it’s more complicated and demanding than many people think, and knowing what you need to get ready can help assure that your sexual experiences with a partner will be as great for both of you as possible.

A lot of false assumptions are often made when people are talking about BDSM. Let’s start with a little glossary to be sure we’re all on the same page.