Readiness

If you’re uneasy about it, then I think it’s pretty obvious that it’s probably not the time to do it yet. We can like someone a lot and be intimate in ways with them that don’t require sex or any given type of sex, and which also don’t put us at risk of things we’re not prepared to be at risk for…

As you and your partner consider sexual activity, it is great that you’re seeking out information and resources to help prepare you. It also sounds like you have been talking about this together, which means that you’ve already crossed a big hurdle that a lot of people get stuck on. So in order to…

Well, it can be a big deal, and it is for most people. One thing that is important to understand is that NONE of us – not you at 13, not me at 37 – are ever ready and interested in having any kind of sex in the way you’re describing when who the other person involved isn’t known to us. I mean…

Sounds to me like you have some internal conflict here…or not. What I’m really hearing you say here is that you’re just not really feeling it when it comes to sex yet. Not alone, not with your partner. I’m hearing you say that you’re more interested in non-sexual physical affection right now –…

Madison: I’d suggest you start by taking a look at our sex readiness checklist which I’ve linked at the bottom of my response to you here. It’s a really excellent tool for getting a good overview of all the aspects of sexual readiness. Now, a lot of people who are ready may still not check off ALL…

There’s no “cherry” that needs popping in your vagina. Seriously. And virginity is a cultural idea or concept: it’s not a physical state of anything. In other words, the bodies of “virgins” and the bodies of “non-virgins” are often impossible to tell the difference between. Sometimes that term…

You know, “slut” is both a really subjective and often a really derogatory term. A lot of people use it out of spite, because they’re afraid of sexuality (or, more accurately, women’s or queer sexuality), and because they’re afraid of people who enjoy it, and on some level, perhaps, secretly jealous…

If we look at our sexuality one way, it looks a million times simpler than it actually is. If we look at it another way, it appears a million times more complicated. While it’s important that we bear everything in mind we need to in terms of infection and disease, birth control, our relationships, our bodies and the whole works, now and then we need to remember the bare bones and the human element of the thing, and keep the essentials in the forefront of our minds.

What we are talking about here is celibacy, the deliberate choice not to have a sexual partner for any period of time. There’s nothing ambiguous about that. Being celibate entails sharing NO sexual acts with a partner: any kind of intercourse (vaginal or anal), oral sex, manual sex, and so forth. In other words, no physical, sexual contact with others; meaning any genital (penis or vulva) touch, with mouths, hands or anything else between you and someone else is off limits.