Question
Hi I’m a 17 year old girl and I’ve been sexually active (sexually active: Someone who has had or is currently having some kind of genital sex with a partner or partners.) with my boyfriend for a few months. We always use condoms. But recently we have been trying this new thing where I sit on him, facing him (naked obviously) and his penis (penis: One of the two external reproductive organs of people often assigned male at birth.) is straight up and we just kinda rub up and down for a little bit. He always pees before we do stuff cause I hear that lowers pre-cum risk and also I always watch his penis as we do this so I can make sure I see nothing coming out (out: Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.) . Also, My vagina (vagina: The internal passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus.) never touches the head, it just rubs the base. Is there a pregnancy (pregnancy: The state of carrying a developing embryo or fetus within the uterus. Medically, someone is considered to be pregnant when an egg has been fertilized by sperm, cells divide, and the fertilized egg is implanted within the lining of the uterus.) risk here? I thought it sounded safe but I still wanted to know for sure. If it’s not we’ll stop!
Research on pre-ejaculate (pre-ejaculate: A fluid which the penis usually emits with or around erection and before ejaculation, sometimes more than once. Pre-ejaculate itself does not contain sperm, but in some cases, can pick up traces of sperm left in the urethra.) is still a bit on the slim side, but based on what the experts know and report so far, urinating before sexual (sexual: About or relating in some way to sex or sexuality.) activity does likely reduce or remove the risk of active sperm (sperm: Reproductive cells of people with penises which can fertilize an ovum and create pregnancy.) being in that fluid.
That’s not something we can guarantee yet, but that is the general consensus at the time, and it physiologically makes sense. If and when pre-ejaculate contains sperm, it’s due to traces of sperm left over in the urethra (urethra: The urinary tract, where people pee from. On a penis, the opening to the urethra is at the head of the penis; on a vulva, the opening is above the vaginal opening and below the external clitoris.) from a previous ejaculation (ejaculation: In a sexual context, a discharge of genital fluid, usually (but not always) as a result of sexual stimulation and/or orgasm.) , and urinating – which also happens through the urethra – does flush out (out: Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.) that passageway.
But if you wanted to be as sure as you could that you are not taking pregnancy (pregnancy: The state of carrying a developing embryo or fetus within the uterus. Medically, someone is considered to be pregnant when an egg has been fertilized by sperm, cells divide, and the fertilized egg is implanted within the lining of the uterus.) risks, then the only sensible thing to do is to avoid any direct genital contact without a reliable method of birth control (birth control: Any number of methods people use to intentionally prevent unwanted pregnancy, including the condom, the cervical barrier, the implant, the patch, the pill, the rhythm method, the ring, the shot, the IUD, spermicide and withdrawal.) . With you rubbing your genitals (genitals: Body parts that are generally, culturally, scientifically or personally considered to be external sexual or reproductive organs.) on his, being able to tell whose fluids are whose is not an easy task, and probably not something you’re paying scholarly attention to while enjoying sex (sex: Different things people choose to do to actively express or enact sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. ) together. When sex is enjoyable for any of us, expecting we can be otherwise attentive to those kinds of things isn’t a very realistic expectation. Plus, it’s got to be a bit of a buzzkill to be having to worry about that when you’re just trying to enjoy yourselves.
Whether there is sperm in pre-ejaculate or not, and whether there is pre-ejaculate at all doesn’t remove or reduce all your risks of sexually transmitted infections (sexually transmitted infections: STIs: illness, infection and/or disease which is often or can be transmitted through sexual or other intimate contact, like HIV, Chlamydia or Herpes. Some people call STIs STDs.) , either. Without any exchange of fluids – when there truly is not – fluid-borne infections can’t be spread, but your own fluids count there as well, not just his. Too, two of the most common STIs – HPV (HPV: Human papillomavirus, a very common sexually transmitted infection with more than 40 HPV types.) and Herpes (Herpes: A viral disease caused by both or either herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) and/or type 2 (HSV-2).) – are spread just from contact, not through fluids. I don’t know what the sitch is with you and your boyfriend when it comes to your sexual histories (if you have had other partners for any kind of sex before), or if you’ve had six months of safer sex (safer sex: Practices which aim to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections, such as use of latex/nonlatex barriers, regular testing for infections and limiting the number of sexual partners.) practices, including testing, before now, but if you have not had that six-month period (period: The fluid – or flow – which contains blood, from the shedding of the uterine lining usually at the end of each menstrual cycle. Sometimes periods may be less fluid and more globby; this is the state that is often mistaken for blood clotting.) of monogamy, latex barriers for genital contact and STI (STI: Sexually transmitted infections: illness, infection and/or disease which is often or can be transmitted through sexual or other intimate contact, like HIV, Chlamydia or Herpes. Some people call STIs STDs.) tests, I’d not advise doing what you’re doing when it comes to STI risks.
You don’t need to stop doing this because of possible risks if it is something you both enjoy. You just may want to do it more safely. It’d be pretty easy for your partner (partner: In a sexual context, a person with whom someone is having some kind of sex. The term “partner” can be used for all kinds of relationships, not just serious ones. “Partner” can also mean the person someone is with in a romantic or familial partnership.) to just slap a condom (condom: A thin sheath or tube of latex or another material, worn over the penis during sex to prevent or reduce the risk of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections.) on for this activity the way he does any other, so again, if you want to do what you can to be sexually active (sexually active: Someone who has had or is currently having some kind of genital sex with a partner or partners.) and reduce risks of pregnancy and STIs, that’s what I’d advise.
Here are a few more links for you, pertinent to this:
