Recently my state got rid of gender identity as a protected class by removing us from the state civil rights act. I’m moving to a generally conservative small city soon because it’s cheap and it’s the closest area that has good job opportunities. To me, my end goal is to be there for a year or two and save up money to move to a more liberal area where I can be safely myself as a trans woman. Is there anything I can do that would allow me to be more feminine while still remaining safe? I’m very much worried about discrimination in many areas, including housing and in the workplace.
Thank you so much for bringing us this question, Jenna.
I want to start by validating that this is a scary time and can be an especially overwhelming time to be transgender in this country. It sounds like you are doing a great job of being realistic about your situation and being financially responsible as you make plans for your future, while also making longer-term plans to get to a more supportive place. I’m so glad that you’re focused on your future and getting to a safer and more accepting area in the long-term and are looking for ways to stay safe and be your authentic self in the short-term!
It sounds like this first move to somewhere more conservative is going to be challenging, but is ultimately going to help you fulfill your larger goals of getting to a safer place.
Even if you can’t live authentically in all aspects of your life, it’s still possible to prioritize gender-affirming self-care wherever you can.
Will you be living alone? Depending on your living situation, if you don’t have roommates, or if you have affirming roommates, try to make your home a safe and affirming space. Try to decorate in ways that represent you, the real you, including your passions and interests. Even little things, like printing pictures of where you plan to move for the fridge or the bathroom mirror, can remind you of what you are working hard to achieve and who you really are.
One free or low-cost activity you can do to make your house feel more your own is a collage vision board you make with pictures or images from print magazines or online. Consider focusing your vision board on general euphoric imagery, pictures of you with friends, and the plans you have for moving to more trans-supportive areas in the future. Something else you can do is to prioritize dressing in ways that make you feel gender euphoric while you are safely at home. Even if you can’t dress the way you want while out in the world, wearing clothes that feel euphoric in the safety of your house can help take the stress of having to dress in ways that don’t feel affirming at work. One affordable option is to have feminine pajamas and loungewear you can change into at home. Loungewear can often be found inexpensively at big-box retailers and at thrift stores.
While you have really good plans for the future to focus on, try to find community wherever you can now. You mentioned that you’ll be moving to this new area because it’s affordable and there are job prospects. If you have trans-affirming friends and a community where you are now, be sure to keep in touch and continue to prioritize those friendships even once you have moved.
Technology, including cell phones and the internet, makes it possible to keep very close connections with important people in our lives, even when we are geographically separated. Not only is the internet a great way to stay connected with affirming friends you already have, but internet community spaces and online groups can also provide a safe opportunity to meet and interact with people as your authentic feminine self. Be sure to practice online safety, you can always be vague and don’t have to tell people anything specific about where you live if you have concerns about being outed. In online spaces, you can use the name and pronouns that reflect who you are and give you a safe place, even during this short-term period where you’re going to be living in an area that isn’t safe for you to be yourself until you’re able to actualize your long-term goals.
Even though you’ll be moving to a conservative area, there may still be some progressive businesses or organizations in your new area. They might be few and far between, but keep an eye out for LGBTQ+-affirming businesses that have rainbow flags or other progressive symbols in their windows. These are great places to patronize, get connected to the community, and, possibly depending on your comfort, be safe places to be out as a trans woman in your temporary home. Even in conservative areas, you might be surprised to find allies and new supportive friends.
Thank you again for this wonderful question. Wishing you all the gender-affirming joy as you take care of yourself and work towards your dreams!
