As the old saying goes, “stand up for what you believe in, even when you stand alone,” but boy, that comes with a lot of isolation, doesn’t it?
How can you go about creating chosen family if you are in a conservative area and are the only person like you around? What if you live in a country where certain characteristics are not just shunned, but illegal? How do you try to live authentically while feeling like an island in a storm?
To answer this, I reached out to a human I’ve admired for a long while, and they were gracious enough to sit down with me for a chat about not just building community, but defending it.
I’d like to introduce you to Kalaya’an (Kala) Mendozaexternal link, opens in a new tab.
I can’t ask you to believe the things we discussed without giving some context to this human and how they walk the walk they talk.
Kala has served as the Head of Programming (US) for The Nonviolent Peaceforce Organizationexternal link, opens in a new tab, as a Field Director with Amnesty Internationalexternal link, opens in a new tab, as a Human Rights Observer, and as a direct action organizer/street medic since the 1990s. They’ve offered protest safety and direct action training during the 1999 Seattle WTO Protestsexternal link, opens in a new tab, 2014 Ferguson Uprisingexternal link, opens in a new tab, 2016 Standing Rockexternal link, opens in a new tab, and the Occupation of Ihumātao in 2019external link, opens in a new tab, to name a handful.
“I was a sensitive gay kid in the ‘80s-’90s and safety was at the forefront of my mind,” they told me. They described a horrific earthquake near San Joseexternal link, opens in a new tab that ravaged their community and how the response from government officials was lackluster, late, and virtually nowhere to be found. This changed their mind about community action and altered the trajectory of their life.
“I realized no one [was] coming to save us,” they said, “but we came together [as a community] and took care of each other. It’s grassroots organizing 101: We can’t do anything alone. Mutual Aid and community are what keep us safe.”
Those may sound like lofty aspirations, especially if you feel isolated because of your geography, sexual orientation, color, or other conditions of your life or kinds of identity. I told Kala that I often feel as if I’m not doing enough for my communities unless I am on the front lines, sometimes even throwing myself into causes in ways that do me damage. How can we feel part of a community to the extent we can actually and healthily participate in it? Kala offered me this: “There is no such thing as a small act anymore. We need to focus on collective effort. Every act of kindness is an act of resistance.”
He introduced me to the concept of “Pod-Mapping”external link, opens in a new tab— built by Mia Mingus and the Transformative Justice Collective during a time of disaster in California— which essentially maps out relationships that you personally have in your own life and identifies which threads have access to what types of support. Maybe you happen to be extroverted and are able to virtually or physically check in on your neighbors and community. That is activism. Perhaps your friend likes to cook and is able to share meals with people they know. That is also activism.
“In these spaces of direct action,” they said, “[the work] looks like people being housed and people being fed. When folks are physically, psychologically, and socially safe, they can be their authentic selves.” They also made certain to mention that including disabled people in your web of humans is incredibly important. “Disabled folks are often the first to get left behind in times of crisis,” they said, “and they are also often the most adept at building accessible communities.”
“Hope is a discipline,” Kala said very matter-of-factly when I asked them about feeling too overwhelmed to look forward to anything, quoting the abolitionist Mariame Kabaexternal link, opens in a new tab. “When we make room to see the awe of the universe, we cultivate space for hope to grow.” Kala added that, “Corporate media inundates our systems so that we can’t operate. It sounds silly, but sometimes you really do have to go touch grass. Legitimately go hug a tree for a moment and still yourself!” They went on to describe training they offer to activists across the world, “Look for five beautiful things. No matter what terrible things are going on in that moment. Look for the beauty in that moment. It is a discipline and it reacclimates your situational awareness and grounds your state of mind.”
How could you get started in this kind of community building/Pod-Mapping? Ask yourself, “What capacities and resources do I have?” After that, you can seek organizations near you that could utilize those skills. Kala offered, “Think Globally, Act Locally. The people around you, people who know and love you, can best benefit from your skills and resources.” Then, Kala suggested, “[continue] with your own political education. Our ancestors have survived occupation, genocide, [and more]. Do your due diligence.” You have the strength of your forebears in you and your existence alone honors their struggle.
As a parting note, Kala offered this: “What people need to understand is that safety does not equate to comfort. Do what you need to do to have human rights and live, to the capacity you can. Be gentle with yourself. It is a walk. It is a struggle. But most of all, it is being a part of something larger than yourself.”
Whatever it is that helps you be a part of this world and this community that is so worth protecting, do it. No matter how small, no matter how seemingly insignificant.
