Help with Healthcare

[Oliveoyl]

So I'm 17 and I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for about 5 years, and I've been on medication for 3. I've asked my parents repeatedly to see a therapist on a regular basis but each time I see one my parents decide they're not right for me and I never go back. I got used to it and let it go for a while but about 7 months ago I asked my parents again to let me have therapy but they refuse. I constantly ask and remind and even had our family doctor recommend some and they still will not take me. Now I'm out of my medication and I'm so scared I'm going to relapse into self harm or attempt suicide again. I've begged my parents for help and they seem to think my solution is to talk to them about my problems or "try harder". What should I do?

[Redskies]

Welcome to the boards, Oliveoyl. We'll do what we can to help you find a way to access the care you want and need.

When you say your parents won't take you, does that mean your primary problem here is getting transport to go to therapy? Or something else? In most places, you don't need your parent/s' consent in order to get any kind of healthcare.

Does your family doctor know you're out of medication that you've previously had? They might be able to write you a prescription, and would definitely be the first person I'd suggest asking for help with the medication situation. It sounds like your family doctor is supportive of you getting this healthcare - do I have that right? Does the doctor know about your parents' non-support, and have they made any suggestions about ways for you to get this care?

[Oliveoyl]

I've looked into the idea of going to therapy without my parents, but I can't legally drive without them and I'm mostly afraid of how they'd react. When I see my family doctor my mother gets very upset when I ask to talk to her by myself but I'm going to see her soon and I'll ask about my medication and therapy. My doctor doesn't know about my parents not supporting me, as my mother usually asks but never acts on recommendations and such.

[Redskies]

I think getting in to see your family doctor as soon as you can, and speaking in private with doctor, would be a really good move. If you need help in getting to speak with the doctor without your mother in the room, you can ask a receptionist and/or the doctor for that help - if you let the doctor know you'd like to speak in private, they should help you get that. I'd suggest being as honest as you can with your doctor about your health concerns and about the non-support outside the room from your parents.

It's not okay behaviour of your mother to get upset when you want to talk to a doctor alone. It's absolutely natural to go through a process as a tennager of becoming more autonomous with handling your own life stuff like healthcare, and of moving into having more privacy around that. For sure, it can be challenging for parents - change generally and changing close relationships can be hard for anyone! - but it's a parent's job to help with the transition and to manage their own feelings about it.

I understand how difficult and scary it can be to have to consider parents' reactions when they've a track record of rough reactions. Are there particular things you're afraid of in their reaction to you seeking therapy? You clearly also have some very big reasons to want to pursue this healthcare - just wanting better health is enough all by itself, but the possibility of suicide attempts or self-harm is definitely not small beans. You're taking good care of yourself here, and it sounds like you've been doing an excellent and determined job of advocating for yourself. Really big cheer to you for that, and I'm only sorry that your parents haven't stepped up. Let's see if we can get you some more in-person people in your corner! Are there other people in your life - other relatives, friends, teachers, mentors,...? - who are supportive of you?