Worried about a friend
-
- newbie
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Sun Aug 02, 2015 8:04 pm
- Age: 28
- Location: United States
Worried about a friend
There’s a guy I see frequently (We're in a small major together in school, we live in the same dorm) who has sexually harassed a number of girls in my group of friends. And now recently a close friend told me he raped her a year ago. (The statute of limitations has passed.)
I don't trust him. Most of my friends and I do what we can to avoid him.
However. My roommate/close friend is dating him. She knows about his bad behavior towards her friends. She knew about it when she started dating him. Maybe she doesn't believe it. Maybe she doesn't care. She refuses listen to their claims that she's dating an asshole.
Knowing about this guy's general creepiness and having seen this friend disappear almost completely from our social circle to spend all her free time alone with him makes me worry he is abusing/manipulating/being an asshole to her.
I've been told that often people put up with abusive relationships because they feel they have no social support outside the abuser.
So the very last thing we, her friends, should do is let her disappear. In case she is being emotionally manipulated/abused/whatever, I want to show her that she has a network of friends other than him who care about her and support her. She won't spend time with friends without him though, and none of us (especially not the people he has harassed/assaulted) want to be around him.
What do you suggest I do?
I don't trust him. Most of my friends and I do what we can to avoid him.
However. My roommate/close friend is dating him. She knows about his bad behavior towards her friends. She knew about it when she started dating him. Maybe she doesn't believe it. Maybe she doesn't care. She refuses listen to their claims that she's dating an asshole.
Knowing about this guy's general creepiness and having seen this friend disappear almost completely from our social circle to spend all her free time alone with him makes me worry he is abusing/manipulating/being an asshole to her.
I've been told that often people put up with abusive relationships because they feel they have no social support outside the abuser.
So the very last thing we, her friends, should do is let her disappear. In case she is being emotionally manipulated/abused/whatever, I want to show her that she has a network of friends other than him who care about her and support her. She won't spend time with friends without him though, and none of us (especially not the people he has harassed/assaulted) want to be around him.
What do you suggest I do?
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2015 5:31 am
- Age: 30
- Awesomeness Quotient: What's not awesome??
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: She/her
- Sexual identity: Heterosexual
- Location: Madrid, Spain
Re: Worried about a friend
Hi themathgirl,
First off-welcome to Scarleteen!
I am so sorry to hear about the position you are in. First of all, are any of the survivors of sexual harassment and/or rape seeking counseling? Would you like resources for your area should they want them?
Regarding your friend--this might be simultaneously a great & a disappointing for you--you are doing exactly what you should be as her friend. Seeing as she refused any conversation about this up to this point, the best thing you can do is let her know she has friends and that you are there for her. Not pushing this is also important, smothering her with the idea, but it sounds like you are also doing that already Unfortunately, we can't give our loved ones the glasses with which we want them to perceive reality, not even with force--- so to make sure she knows she has a support system, avoiding forcing the subject is important. While it can be hard for you, she might only be able to take off small bites of reality to chew at a time, you know?
First off-welcome to Scarleteen!
I am so sorry to hear about the position you are in. First of all, are any of the survivors of sexual harassment and/or rape seeking counseling? Would you like resources for your area should they want them?
Regarding your friend--this might be simultaneously a great & a disappointing for you--you are doing exactly what you should be as her friend. Seeing as she refused any conversation about this up to this point, the best thing you can do is let her know she has friends and that you are there for her. Not pushing this is also important, smothering her with the idea, but it sounds like you are also doing that already Unfortunately, we can't give our loved ones the glasses with which we want them to perceive reality, not even with force--- so to make sure she knows she has a support system, avoiding forcing the subject is important. While it can be hard for you, she might only be able to take off small bites of reality to chew at a time, you know?
Nothing happens in the "real" unless it first happens in the images in our heads -Gloria Anzaldúa
-
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 9907
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Desert
Re: Worried about a friend
Hi themathgirl,
Just letting you know, I ended up answering this as an Ask Scarleteen question here:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... reepy_dude
Just letting you know, I ended up answering this as an Ask Scarleteen question here:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... reepy_dude
-
- Similar Topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post
-
-
New post My best guy friend began dating my best girl friend and now he’s distant
by YellowPamonha » Sat Jul 08, 2023 6:24 pm » in Relationships - 3 Replies
- 11401 Views
-
Last post by Nicole
Mon Jul 10, 2023 10:50 am
-
-
- 4 Replies
- 3600 Views
-
Last post by naurmi008
Wed Jun 07, 2023 9:30 am
-
- 39 Replies
- 12179 Views
-
Last post by Heather
Wed Aug 09, 2023 8:49 am
-
- 1 Replies
- 2661 Views
-
Last post by Carly
Wed Jul 26, 2023 6:54 pm
-
-
New post worried i recieved used vibrator
by lorelailuv » Thu Dec 28, 2023 9:43 pm » in Got Questions? Get Answers. - 2 Replies
- 8135 Views
-
Last post by lorelailuv
Fri Dec 29, 2023 11:49 am
-