Strong emotional attraction and low physical attraction to romantic crush - don’t know what to do

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Asking Queries
not a newbie
Posts: 30
Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2023 9:15 am
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: I like rocks
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Trans, girlflux, lesbian/bisexual
Location: United States

Strong emotional attraction and low physical attraction to romantic crush - don’t know what to do

Unread post by Asking Queries »

Hi!

It’s me, and of course, this means I have a new crush, who I’ll call K (she/her), she’s 16.
I’ve known her for about two months now — we take the same classes together at school and we started talking after she emailed me a question.
I really like her, she’s cool, smart, kind, considerate, and has a lot of the same interests as me. I feel very emotionally-romantically attracted to her, but not as visually attracted to her as I have been to my other crushes. I really wanna tell her my feelings, but don’t want to go into a situation where I feel only partially attracted to her — this feels like the sort of opposite of a situation where someone is attracted to someone else mainly or almost entirely based on their appearance.

So very gay,
- AQ
“… we need to recognize that adolescents, like all human beings, need strong social bonds. To provide youth with such bonds—at an interpersonal and societal level—is the work of us all.” - Amy T. Schalet, Not Under My Roof.
Latha
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 493
Joined: Sat May 22, 2021 6:13 am
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: Queer
Location: India

Re: Strong emotional attraction and low physical attraction to romantic crush - don’t know what to do

Unread post by Latha »

Hi there, AQ!

It sounds like you have a great connection with this person! Here are some questions you can ask yourself: what kind of relationship do you envision yourself having with her? Would this relationship be sexual? How important is it to you that you feel visually attracted to your partner?

Maybe spending some more time with her will give you a better sense of whether this would be a good relationship. You could do this as a friend, or you could ask her if she would want to go on a few dates with you. That way, you will not start a relationship when you're not sure about your feelings, and you'll be able to spend some time with her in a romantic context.
Asking Queries
not a newbie
Posts: 30
Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2023 9:15 am
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: I like rocks
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Trans, girlflux, lesbian/bisexual
Location: United States

Re: Strong emotional attraction and low physical attraction to romantic crush - don’t know what to do

Unread post by Asking Queries »

Hi!
Thanks for the ideas — I wasn’t thinking of dates as a way to feel things out for some reason, (I keep thinking that you have to have your mind entirely made up on a person to ask them on a date, which I know isn’t true or useful but I keep thinking it).

- AQ
“… we need to recognize that adolescents, like all human beings, need strong social bonds. To provide youth with such bonds—at an interpersonal and societal level—is the work of us all.” - Amy T. Schalet, Not Under My Roof.
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