I dont know how to feel

Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.

This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
Ashley.IDK
not a newbie
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Jul 29, 2015 9:11 pm
Age: 23
Awesomeness Quotient: Hugs
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she
Sexual identity: Straight
Location: Houston

I dont know how to feel

Unread post by Ashley.IDK »

About a month ago i was raped by my boyfriend. I consented at first but the i didnt and he keep going. This was about in April or May. I dont feel raped though. When i think of rape victims i think of like them having flash backs and panic attacks and therapy. But i dont feel like I need that. I just feel like i already forgave him for it and we moved on. I kind of also feel like i need to break up wit him but i cant because one hes also abusive and i love him to much. He is my first love, he was my 'first' at everything. I'm feeling so shitty now. I just realized that i was raped about 10 minutes and I called a Sexual Abuse/Rape hotline and the lady told me that my situation was raped. I'm going to call him soon to talk about it. He just makes me feel like i need to forgive him because he starts to cry and im a sucker for that. I just really need support and for someone to tell me its going to be fine. I have no one to talk about this to they would get mad at me for having sex or want to call the police. I dont want that. Someone just please help me as soon as possible. Thanks
Top
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9549
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: I dont know how to feel

Unread post by Heather »

I'm so sorry your boyfriend sexually assaulted you.

There's no one way someone who has survived rape feels afterward, and we don't always feel the same way at one given time. So, even just one survivor can feel one way in a given month, year or decade, and differently another.

Personally, I would not advise contacting him, especially since you seem to know how vulnerable you are with him - on top of clearly unsafe - and sense he will try to emotionally manipulate you to get what he wants for himself.

It is going to be okay: you can survive this. But the way to do that is to do all you can to keep your focus on caring for yourself, and keeping yourself away from anyone who you know, as you do with him, not only will not support your healing, but is not safe to be around.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Top
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “Abuse & Assault”