Thankfully found this place by accident and would like to release my mind
Yesterday I was with three friends, 3 guys and 1 girl, and the one girl has a relationship with one of the boys (my previous boyfriend) but I am right now single and both of the other boys are also. What I realized during our time together is that I have had sex with two of the boys, lost my virginity to one of them, but I don't think that either of them know that I have had sex with both of them. The girl knows I have been with her boyfriend, but this was way before she got involved with him. The uncomfortable part is the wondering of who knows what? Do the guys know that I have been with both of them? Does the boy I have not been with know anything from any of them? I feel like I am being judged but that is if they both know. I want everything to be private and I don't want anybody knowing about my sexual life but maybe all of them know???
I have knots in my stomach from this. I enjoyed my time with both of them, enjoyed sex with both of them, but yesterday was the first time we all got together and now it all feels wrong. I am regretting having a sexual relationship with two of my best friends because I feel like I could break with all these thoughts in my mind. Who knows what???