My friend

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Annabanna
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My friend

Unread postby Annabanna » Wed Jul 08, 2020 7:52 pm

I have a friend who told me that she sometimes sexualizes herself and plays games were judges judge her body parts and sexualize her, and she said she acts sexy. But she said she feels awful after and angry at herself. She was abused by a close relative years ago. But when men and boys try to sexualize her she doesn't like it and she gets uncomfortable. I don't know what to do!! Is she messed up?

Sam W
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Re: My friend

Unread postby Sam W » Thu Jul 09, 2020 8:09 am

Hi Annabanna,

I wouldn't say your friend is messed up. Instead it sounds like she, like many women, is trying to navigate all the messages we get about our bodies being for the consumption and pleasure of others and the fact that those messages are pretty dang rage-making. Too, if she's a survivor, abuse can also introduce complexities into how she relates to her body.

You mention you don't know what to do. Can I ask why you feel like you need to do something? Did she ask for your help or advice around this?

Annabanna
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Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2020 7:45 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: My hair
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Location: Bc

Re: My friend

Unread postby Annabanna » Thu Jul 09, 2020 4:03 pm

Thanks for replying! Yes. She asked for my help.

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7291
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: My friend

Unread postby Sam W » Fri Jul 10, 2020 7:26 am

You're welcome! Okay, when she asked for your help, was she asking for help doing (or stopping) a specific thing? Or was it more she was asking for advice on what to do about this situation in general?

Annabanna
newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2020 7:45 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: My hair
My primary language: English
My pronouns: They them
My sexual identity and orientation: Bi
Location: Bc

Re: My friend

Unread postby Annabanna » Fri Jul 10, 2020 12:28 pm

She was asking me to help her stop doing that.

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7291
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: My friend

Unread postby Sam W » Sat Jul 11, 2020 8:22 am

The tricky thing about that is that she's the one in control of her thoughts and actions. You could certainly give her a space to process or vent about her feelings about her body, or encourage her to find resources that might help her sort through her feelings. Do either of those things sound doable?

Annabanna
newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2020 7:45 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: My hair
My primary language: English
My pronouns: They them
My sexual identity and orientation: Bi
Location: Bc

Re: My friend

Unread postby Annabanna » Sat Jul 11, 2020 12:19 pm

Thanks. Maybe?

Amanda F.
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Re: My friend

Unread postby Amanda F. » Sat Jul 11, 2020 1:39 pm

Per Sam's suggestion, what are some ways you think you might be able to do those things (give her space; help her with resources)? Would you like to brainstorm some things together?


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