My boyfriend accuses me all the time

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Theindiegirlxx
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My boyfriend accuses me all the time

Unread postby Theindiegirlxx » Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:51 pm

My boyfriend and I argue frequently about sex. At first we hardly had sex as I have a low libido however as he kept complaining we have been doing it more (once a week) and taking part in foreplay once a week also. Every time we meet he is horny and I never really feel like doing anything however he sulks if not and hardly speaks to me so I feel obliged to touch him. I love him to bits but I feel like he constantly thinks about sex. For example he asked to take me on a date and I said yes but he couldn’t sleep at mine after as I am not 100% well enough and now he has accused me of not wanting to let him sleep so that he can’t ask for sex. This is every time I say he can’t see me or I don’t want to do something and I don’t know what to do for the best because it is really effecting our relationship. Please help

Mo
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Re: My boyfriend accuses me all the time

Unread postby Mo » Fri Feb 02, 2018 4:17 pm

I'm sorry to hear about how your boyfriend's acting around sex. To be clear: he's allowed to feel disappointed if he wants to have sex and you don't. That's fine! What isn't fine is him pressuring you for sex, sulking and punishing you for refusing sex, and accusing you of withholding sex from him. That's really not ok. You don't owe him sex at any time, and he should not be acting like you do, or punishing you when you aren't interested.

It sounds like you're being sexual with him more often than you'd really like to; is that the case?
What I'd recommend is to talk with him about this issue, ask him to respect your no without coercion or sulking, and ask if that's something he's able to do. If he's not willing and able to give you that respect, I honestly don't think this is someone who is going to be a safe and caring partner for you.

Theindiegirlxx
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:46 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: Kindness
My primary language: Engliah
My pronouns: She
My sexual identity and orientation: Straight
Location: Usa

Re: My boyfriend accuses me all the time

Unread postby Theindiegirlxx » Fri Feb 02, 2018 4:24 pm

I have spoken to him but he doesn’t seem to get how he upsets me he seems to think that I need to say sorry because he is taking me on a date and that I have ruined it.

Mo
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 1937
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/him, they/them
My sexual identity and orientation: queer/bisexual

Re: My boyfriend accuses me all the time

Unread postby Mo » Fri Feb 02, 2018 4:43 pm

If he thinks that not having sex on a date is "ruining" it and that you need to apologize(!) for that, I have serious reservations about him as a sexual or dating partner at all, to be honest. A healthy sexual relationship requires mutual sexual consent, and he seems to feel like he's entitled to it regardless of your feelings. I know you've said that you care for him a lot but if he's not willing to change, this just isn't going to be a safe or healthy relationship for you.


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