Unhealthy relationship

Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
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This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.

This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
ConfusedGirl123
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Does this count as emotional abuse

Unread postby ConfusedGirl123 » Sun Apr 26, 2020 12:51 pm

Does it count as emotional abuse if my boyfriend calls me "crazy" and "insane"?

ConfusedGirl123
newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2020 12:47 pm
My pronouns: She/her
Location: USA

Unhealthy relationship

Unread postby ConfusedGirl123 » Sun Apr 26, 2020 1:04 pm

I'm leaving an unhealthy relationship and I need help. I live alone and nobody knows I am in this relationship. I also have depression, generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD due to being a survivor of sexual assault in the past. On the plus side I have a good job as a welder so I have some savings and a credit card. I was thinking of staying at a hotel for a week to avoid my boyfriend. But with the coronavirus they are not allowing staying in a hotel unless you are an "essential worker". Technically I am but I think I need paperwork from my boss explaining why I need to stay in a hotel. So I think this won't work. I'm having trouble sleeping and nightmares. I can't even change my phone number because then my family will ask me why and I don't want them to know.

Jacob
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Re: Unhealthy relationship

Unread postby Jacob » Sun Apr 26, 2020 4:56 pm

Hi ConfusedGirl!

Firstly, well done for making this decision! It's not easy but it sounds like you are trully feeling ready for it. I'm happy to welcome you to Scarleteen.

I've just moved your other post here as it seems to be related:
Does it count as emotional abuse if my boyfriend calls me "crazy" and "insane"?


On this, yep! That's abusive. Invalidating someone's words and convictions by undermining them and their mental health is high up on the list of abusive behaviours that are used to stop someone questioning a relationship (by questioning themselves instead).

It sounds like you've already decided to leave that relatoinship which is a good call.

Can I ask more about the relationship and what it feels like the risks are?

You mention living alone but also wanting to not be in your place. Is this because you feel you'd be unsafe if you told him the relationship is over? If that's the case I wonder if you could benefit from police involvement. I also believe you can get a number blocked without changing your number if that's something you need. If he has keys you can also change your locks relatively easily; this might be easier/cheaper than having to book a hotel. Of course most of this will depend on the details of your situation!
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You

ConfusedGirl123
newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2020 12:47 pm
My pronouns: She/her
Location: USA

Re: Unhealthy relationship

Unread postby ConfusedGirl123 » Sun Apr 26, 2020 5:30 pm

Thanks Jacob. I feel better just discussing it with someone. Here is my plan. If he comes to my place to confront me, then I will not open the door (I never open the door before checking who it is first anyway), I will yell through the door that he should leave or I will call the police. If he leaves, then good. If he doesn't, then I will call the police. Thanks again for your help.

al
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Re: Unhealthy relationship

Unread postby al » Sun Apr 26, 2020 9:51 pm

Hi ConfusedGirl,

I'm glad that you're feeling better after sharing what's going on for you.
In terms of your plan, how do you think that your boyfriend would respond if you were to tell him to go away? Is there a possibility of him becoming violent, or sticking around and not letting you leave your apartment?

I ask because we want to make sure to think through the different possibilities just in case, so that you'll have options if things don't go quite as smoothly as "If A, then B". Does that make sense?
In case you haven't read it yet, you might find The Scarleteen Safety Plan helpful. When you get to the pink links, you'd choose the first one, since you're not living with him, and then there are suggestions for things that might be helpful for you to think about and prepare for yourself. Of course, we can be here to help think things through or provide support while you're doing that!

Sending you lots of good thoughts. <3
Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it. -Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully


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