past mistakes

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rhkc
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 02, 2019 3:04 pm
Age: 23
Pronouns: Sarah
Location: United Kingdom

past mistakes

Unread post by rhkc »

My boyfriend made some mistakes on me but I forgave him. However he keeps saying that he is low, worthless and putting himself down. Also he has gotten really angry recently whenever I would ask him not to do somethings or say if i was upset with something he did even if i say it in the nicest way possible. I think its because this makes him feel even more low about himself. How do I make him feel better about himself? I don't want him to be angry anymore.
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Jacob
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 1060
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:33 am
Age: 35
Primary language: English
Pronouns: They
Location: Leeds UK

Re: past mistakes

Unread post by Jacob »

Hi rhkc!

It sounds like your boyfriend has a few issues, but from what you've said here, it sounds like you're very very likely not positioned as the best person to help him. I understand you don't want him to feel pain and anger, but we can't make anyone feel better about themselves or treat us better.

Let me explain why:

You haven't said what mistakes he has made, but it sounds like he has behaved badly towards you in the past and asked for your forgiveness, which you have agreed to. This means he and you have acknowledged that something in his behaviour needed to change.

However, putting himself down means that (whether he knows it or not) he has an excuse for not doing better. Lots of people who hurt others feel worthless, not-good-enough-to-do-better, or feel attacked.

If that was the only thing I would advise that you talk to him about it, but it sounds like this is something you have already tried and he reacted with anger. That doesn't sound safe OR helpful to me.

Instead I would advise maybe not speaking to him more about it but to start thinking about you.

How are you coping with this, what do you feel like you need?
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You
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