How to know when to break up

[zooeym]

Some background - I'm 19 and I've been seeing my boyfriend on and off for about a year and a half - we initially broke up for uni but started seeing each other again, first casually and for a few months now more seriously (we're exclusive now). I think we only really fell in love with each other this second time we got together. We're long distance (2 hours ish) while at uni but live very close at home.

The problem is that I don't want to be with him forever. I do love him, and we have a great time together, but I sometimes have doubts about him and his character. It's difficult to describe, but basically he can be a little snappy and sarcastic sometimes, and while he doesn't intend to hurt my feelings sometimes he's insensitive. I just don't know if he treats me exactly how he should, but as he's my first serious relationship I'm just not sure.

So I'm kind of confused - do you need to break up with someone if you don't see a future with them? We're only young. This sounds like a really stupid question I guess because no one can tell you how you feel, but I just don't know when to break up with someone. I'm happy most of the time in the relationship, and I haven't met anyone else, and I don't want to imagine him with someone else, but I don't know if something's missing.

[Heather]

We've got a piece/tool on the site that might help: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

And if a breakup seems like the way to go, here's some more help with that: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking and http://www.scarleteen.com/article/in_yo ... me_comes_0

Really, there's no one answer to what you're asking, because any stay together/breakup is very individual and situational, based a lot on what you want, and want from a particular relationships, which is going to vary a whole lot from person to person, relationship to relationship. By all means, if you don't think this is a healthy relationship -- like if someone is verbally hurtful as a pattern -- then I think thinking about getting away from it is always sound: staying in something unhealthy, or that makes anyone in it feel bad about themselves is never a good idea.

I'd also personally say that not wanting someone to be with someone else, and not having any other opportunities to be with someone else yourself isn't great criteria for staying in something. The first is really about control (not so healthy), and the second is about only being with someone because you don't see anything better available (inertia, also not the most positive thing).

But when it comes to whether or not you see a future with someone and making these choices, that really depends on if you want to be in a relationship that you know or feel isn't likely to be lifelong or get more serious, or want to be in something that is more of a just-for-now. Again, no right answers there: that all just depends on what you want.