Pick Five

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Onionpie
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Pick Five

Unread postby Onionpie » Tue Jul 29, 2014 1:46 pm

(Originally posted by Heather on the old boards here: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimat ... 12188.html)

So, I recently heard a little piece of suggested strategy for dating and romantic or sexual relationships when people are looking for serious stuff I thought might be helpful for some of you.

And that's this: to pick five things that feel seriously non-negotiable for you with anyone you'd get into, or think about getting into, some kind of serious and intimate relationship with.

Okay, now NOT things like: they don't call me names, they are nice to me, it actually matters to them if I consent to sex or they need to accept that I have a disability or illness. That's ground zero stuff: that kind of thing is already a given, that it is -- or should be! -- non-negotiable for you to be with someone who treats you with the basic courtesy we are supposed to treat people on the bus with.

I'm talking about examples like:
- You ADORE the outdoors, and couldn't see yourself spending a lot of time with someone, or making them a huge part of your life, if they didn't want to spend a lot of time in the outdoors with you.
- You really want to have kids (or you really don't) so feel like this other person needs to, too, or else this is a dead-end for you.
- You are a giant classical art geek. You need another person to, if not be a big one themselves, at least be interested in exploring that with you and appreciating your geekdom in this department.
- You are introverted, and having time alone to recharge is a super big-deal for you. So, you want someone else like that or someone who isn't, but totally gets why you need that time and will have no problem giving you room to have it.
- Your family speaks a different language than the one most common where you live. You're very close to them and your culture also matters to you, so you want someone who speaks that language and/or is from that culture, or who is not, but is willing and excited to learn.

It's a lot harder to do this stuff when we don't have at least some basic sense of what we want, beyond wanting someone else to like or love us. So, little tools like this can come in handy if you feel like you don't even know where to start.

So, you got five? Want to share? [Smile]

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