Age-disparate Relationships ("does age matter?")

[Onionpie]

Since we've had this topic revisited (AKA "Does age diffference matter?"), it seems like it's worth posting some good questions to ask yourself when your partner is markedly older than you are to see if it does matter, and more importantly, if it's really okay, balanced and healthy.

So, in no particular order, here's some food for thought:

- Are your ages within legal limits? Is it criminal for your partner to be with you in the way he/she is?

- Do you have to keep secrets? Must your relationship remain kept from family and friends? Are you able to do the normal things couples do, like go to dinners, parties, hang out with (both sets of) friends together? If you're limited in that, are there at least a few people close to both of you, on both sides you can be together around? Do both of you know both your families?

- Do you feel like basic things are equal? Like you're able to take the lead as often as they are? Like both of you work around BOTH your scedules to arrange plans? Like both of your lives outside the relationship have equal importance?

- Do you feel you have plenty in common? That even if your life experiences vary, you do have things you're in the same place with, that equal respect is afforded?

- Do your feelings for your older partner feel appropriate to a romantic relationship? Do they feel like a partner, equal to you, rather than like someone in charge of you, an advisor or an idol?

- Do you feel able to act your own age arund them? Do they seem to act their age around you? However old they are, are they the sort of person you'd want to be at their age? If you reverse postions, does it still feel okay and normal to you?

- Sexually, are things at a good pace for you? Are you ever pushed in any way, made to feel immature, feel you're going faster than you'd like in order to feel more mature? Are you taking risks you shouldn't be? Are you having the talks about readiness, birth control, your sexual likes and dislikes, limits and boundaries you should be with a partner of any age?

- Is your relationship based in NOW, or is there a lot of talk about what you'll be or do when you're a certain age?

- Do you feel they're doing you a favor by being with you, that your relationship says something about your maturity?

- Do you feel confident in your judgment right now? Have you felt good about yourself, been what you'd call healthy, before as well as during the relationship?

- Is the relationship in any way greatly interfering with your family, friends or life in general?

- Do you feel you get what you need and that what you give is reasonable for you?

(Originally posted by Heather on the old boards here: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimat ... 05507.html