Asking for intimacy with a friend

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
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Asking for intimacy with a friend

Unread post by BishoneninBloom »

I'm mostly asking for the future, since pandemic restrictions mean I can't see my friend in person, let alone in one of out houses, for a while.
But I'm autistic and I usually don't like being touched (even by family) or having to ask for things/make a fuss
however, I've been reading more romantic fanfic Quality Literature and have really started wanting to try being more (non-sexually) physical with my friend.

I don't know how to ask her, we've been friends for years, but neither of us ever tried hugs/touching each other.

I'm not sure why I really want to be hugging them specifically, but it's probably because it'd be touching on my terms whereas my mum doesn't seem to understand that I'm not just being awkward/unloving/a 'typical teenager' when I don't want to hug her (and haven't since i was really little, although even then I was hit or miss on the whole thing)
Sam W
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Re: Asking for intimacy with a friend

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi BishoneninBloom

You're right that there's a big difference between touching on your terms and having someone demand or force contact with you. With that in mind, what if you opted for being direct with your friend about what you want, while also making it clear that this is something they can say no to? So saying something like, "hey (friend), would you be okay with hugging/other kind of non-sexual touch?" You could also go case by case, so ask things like "could I hug you right now" or "is it cool if I put my head on your shoulder?"
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