What counts as sex?

[Enn]

I am an abstinent person. At least I think I am. Recently me and my boyfriend have become very interested in bdsm. I didn't think it was a big deal until I researched it and started thinking about it. I realized im mot interested in"traditional" sex at all. I want to "play", but don't want penetration. My question is, is that still sex? My mother would kill me and definitely seperate us if I had sex. I feel like me she would feel the same about "play", but is "play" the same as sex. Is sex when you have an extreme sexual arousal or is it penetration?

[Sam W]

Hi Enn,

The tricky thing about defining what "counts" as sex is that there's no one, true answer. It depends on what the person doing the defining thinks. For instance, some people view penis in vagina sex as the only thing that counts. But if we're defining sex as, say, activities that can cause pregnancy or transmit STIs then the number of activities that count expands. At Scarleteen, we define sex as we mean is any number of different things people freely choose to do to tangibly and actively express or enact their sexuality; what things people have identified and do identify as a kind of sexual experience (you can find that definition in this article: What's Sex? ) . By our definition, the play you want to engage in falls under the category of sexual activity. Does that all make sense?

[Enn]

Yes, thank you. I'm glad i found this website. It's the only place I can find where teens can ask these types of questions without being ignored.

[Sam W]

You're welcome, and I'm so glad you're finding the site helpful!