Looking back, it's kind of funny. Up until about 7th grade, I was a super happy kid and happy with how I presented. I identified as "tomboy," wore exclusively t-shirts and boy's shorts/pants. I had long hair that I rarely brushed, but insisted that it stay long. As I got to later middle school and high school, I felt a lot of pressure to conform and wanted to be feminine.
I'm pretty lost now in terms of what I want to look like, and it doesn't really help that my wardrobe is mostly from high school. I feel incredibly guilty about buying clothes and feel weird about buying clothes without first being able to try them on because pandemic.
So I guess I'm not all the much closer? I think that trying to change it has made me realize how far away I am and how confused I am, if that makes sense. I think a lot of my presentation preferences are complicated by how I am perceived because my dysphoria is pretty much entirely social.