Sometimes it's definitely good to remember you can set a pace for friendships that feels good to you!! And if it helps at all, right now I have a lot of friends in their late 20s who have had few to zero dates/relationships before and who are struggling with feeling weird or self-conscious about it...

I definitely had a couple people I went on dates with act a bit weird about me not having been in a serious relationship in my 20s, so it does happen like you said, unfortunately. But my current partner is actually younger than me and I think that helped because he'd only been in one relationship p...

Honestly, what you're going through (including all the anxiety around it) is super normal - you're definitely not alone in this. Even I can personally relate as I didn't have a serious relationship until my late 20s and it happened out of NOWHERE when I least expected it (I had been wanting one, ju...

(Forgot to add: At one point in our last conversation, I accidentally let it slip that maybe we could revisit this at some point in the future. They said yes, but: 1. I’m sure they said that just to be nice and 2. I’m kicking myself, because I’m sure I sounded so desperate, and I’m also not trying t...

Hey MusicNerd, You know, I think it's okay to feel bummed for a moment and grieve what might have been. It just shows that you cared, which I actually think is a hopeful thing - you've shown that there are great people out there that you can feel excited about. Sure, this time it didn't work out bu...

Hmm, now that I’ve realized I have to start back at square one when it comes to dating, and that it won’t be with this great person, I feel a bit bummed… Not to an extreme degree, but like enough for it to make me pretty freaking hopeless— you know? I didn’t expect to cry today, but here we are! hah...

Thanks, Sofi! I appreciate it. Yeah, they also seem super busy, so I’ll give them some space for a little while.

Hi Urna, thanks! They let me know to reach out to them if I wanted to hang out again, but I’d feel awkward seeing them once a week (I typically don’t see the same person every week unless we’re dating— like I change which friends I hang with each week). Maybe I’ll wait a while. Also, last week they ...

UPDATE: We talked and they expressed how their life still feels up in the air and how they’re not in a space to date and how they wanna be friends. To be honest, I was expecting to feel more bummed out about it than I am…. but I don’t? I feel a sense of closure and relief, especially since they apol...

Hi MusicNerd, hope it's okay that I chime in! I love what Emily said and can relate to feeling like learning about my own mental health is actually productive. I'm so glad you see it that same way. As for the whole creating narratives as a coping mechanism, that is soo normal/common, you have no id...

Ohhh yeah, I also feel like I’m constantly learning something new about my mental health and how it plays a role in my life - it changes depending on what’s happening in my life at the time. I guess I appreciate that there are always new things to learn about myself :D Wow, I really like that minds...

Hey MusicNerd -- you're totally right, and I think you're on the cusp of learning something really important about anxiety and how it plays out interpersonally. Sometimes our own overthinking makes us believe we do know what will happen, because we've quite possibly thought of every way it could. O...

I totally understand that feeling of fear. If you're someone who's prone to anxiety about relationships, it can be really tempting to try and get out ahead of rejection or disappoint by, essentially, taking yourself out of the situation. Yes, that’s exactly it! It’s like I’m beating people to the p...

Hi MusicNerd, If this is a one-off for them and they're usually pretty good about plans, then I would try not to read too much into it; this time of year in particular is busy for a lot of people. However, if this is a pattern with them, that could be telling you something about their scheduling ha...

Update: We were supposed to meet up tomorrow, but they had to cancel due to being busy (which is fine, because life happens). They asked to reschedule, but I’m thinking they’ve lost interest or might be too busy to date and I should quit while I’m ahead (a.k.a. not pursue dating them or bringing tha...

Hi Elise, thanks for responding! If they were to express not wanting to date, I would definitely respect that. I’d have to think about how I would express that, because I’m not trying to convince someone to date me, you know? Not very romantic lol If they expressed just wanting to be friends, I woul...

Thanks, Sam! We’re likely gonna be hanging out again sometime next week, and while I’m looking forward to seeing them, I’m also still not sure about how they feel— they could potentially feel too busy to date, or maybe they’ve lost interest in me in that way, or any number of things. I’m nervous abo...

So, we met up today and it was nice! Pretty light-hearted conversation, no talk of dating or anything— just a generally nice catch-up. My goal for today was to stay present and have a good time, which I feel like I did! I can give myself a pat on the back for that lol Not sure if we’ll meet up again...

UPDATE: I reached out to them today and they admitted to thinking of me too! I wasn’t sure how they’d feel about hearing from me, or if they thought about me much, but I guess they were glad to hear from me. We had a nice texting conversation and we’re gonna be meeting up next weekend. I’m definitel...

That sounds like a good plan, talking about it with your therapist could be really helpful! It’s okay (probably even helpful) to start slowly with reconnecting with them to get a sense of where you both are first. You don’t have to jump into the hardest conversation! Yeah, that sounds like a good i...

Also, I expressed how I appreciated them letting me know how they felt, but I didn’t express to them why I wasn’t okay with how things ended… but maybe I should at some point? I’m not sure. Oh gotcha! If you don't think it's helpful to share, you aren’t obligated to express your feelings with how t...

Hi MusicNerd, Ahh it feels so good to have connections like the one you’re describing! It’s understandable that you didn’t feel great about how things ended with this person, and I’m glad you were able to communicate these feelings to them. It’s also really important and admirable that you took tim...

Hi, hope y’all are doing well! I’m planning on reaching out to someone I briefly dated soon, but now I’m starting to second-guess myself and could use some advice. A couple months ago, I was dating someone for about a month and we really hit it off— we had great communication, they were super great ...

Hi, thanks Sam!! You know what, I think I might talk a bit more— I guess I was embarrassed about sharing something like this opening post. Feelings, man, gotta love ‘em. lol I’ve actually been doing EMDR recently, and had a pretty big epiphany around this breakup just yesterday during a session. Bas...

Actually, nevermind please ignore this post! I realized I can’t delete this lol