UPDATE: I finally was able to separate my bank account from my parents today since I got my financial aid refund earlier than expected, and I sent them a fairly brief no-contact-for-a-while email letter. it was really nerve-wracking and anxiety-inducing for me to send it, but i know future-me will t...

hey Heather! thanks :) basically, I'd like to figure out: 1. ways that I can keep from blaming myself for the inevitable backlash that will occur after sending this message and 2. how to make sure this won't interfere with my financial aid refund that will be deposited into my account in mid-January...

UPDATE: hope y'all had a happy new year!! :) so, I recently visited a friend in another state for a couple days, and it was really fun! but now, i've got some things coming up with my parents again. my dad is starting to get more insistent on having lunch with me and talking on the phone and all tha...

ah! i saw and "liked" it-- yay, glad you enjoyed it!

Found this article from Everyday Feminism and it seemed to have a lot of good stuff in it, so I figured I'd share it here! No, They’re Not ‘Out of Your League’ – Here’s Why (And 3 Things to Consider Instead)

thanks, Heather and Mo! yeah, i'll definitely continue to try and enjoy my alone-time/break

also, i just wanna add in addition to what i posted right above: i've been really enjoying being by myself. like, actually though. i mean, i've always needed to recharge by being by myself after hanging out with other people or going to different social events and whatnot. #IntrovertProblems but i c...

hey Redskies! I'm actually doing pretty okay, thanks for asking. continuing to be kind to myself and comfort myself while making some progress on my assignments (that are due in less than a week lol whoops, 'cause that's totally not stressful). It can definitely be tough to create emotional distance...

wow, you wrote a lot of great stuff here! I'll just go section-by-section then. haha :) That's a seriously kickass epiphany, and I'm so glad you had it. I also find it helpful to remind myself in family relationships where love is not being extended or shared with me that a) the primary person that ...

yeah, for sure. like I know they know on some level that I'm not actually okay, but they don't wanna see it or deal with it. also, usually it's in these situations that my little kid self starts to feel unlovable, but then I had a mini-epiphany tonight that: the way my parents treat me doesn't mean ...

alright, so I've only got 2 more hours to spend with my parents, and then I'm gonna hang out at a friend's place for the rest of the night, so that'll be fun! it's so weird... I feel like a doll, and to protect myself I've basically put myself on autopilot -- nodding at the right times, giving half-...

hey Heather! thanks, I really appreciate that I might take you up on that later today because my dad has already driven me kinda up a wall (and it's only 2 pm and I haven't even gone home yet) and I just am trying to be as kind to myself as possible during this time.

[didnt mean to make another post after my last one above-- things are weird to navigate on my phone sorry lol]

Hey Redskies! Thanks for getting back to me and sending all those helpful links. 1. I finally got an air mattress for dirt cheap! yay!! it really made me so happy today :D 2. I agree with you in that I'm basically at my coping limit and currently trying to do things for self-preservation at this poi...

sorry for the triple-post but I timed out for editing my last post: I'm just gonna sleep on the decision to see them or not a bit more and see how it goes from there. I'm still gonna need to think up my letter for whenever I send it though, since it has to be done at some point. like, before thanksg...

oh boy, a lot happened today since my post above from earlier in the day, and i have to pick up my debit card tomorrow and i couldn't even work on my assignments today because of something that came up.... i can't even go into everything without overloading y'all with even more information, and i do...

I'm actually blocking off time to do some homework tonight-- at the cafe where my dad is planning on dropping off the card to me. so, that'll be good to just sit there and focus with some coffee in-hand (and i think the internet might be more reliable there than the current cafe i'm in, so that's go...

just remembered another thing to add onto the post above: if i piss my parents off enough, they might stop paying for my schooling. that would really mess with my financial aid-- even if it meant receiving more money from them, that would take time and then the money i would use for rent and food fr...

okay, thanks for responding even though you had to leave, Mo! :) I'll just keep writing for anyone who sees this tomorrow or whenever (brace yourselves for a million questions and thoughts). maybe I'll wait til the 24th to tell them. I don't wanna tell them *right* after I get the card back... I fee...

BIG UPDATE: good news-- I got the extension! bad news-- I don't know if I'm gonna keep my sanity. I just agreed to have dinner with my parents at their place on Christmas... it caught me off guard because my dad wanted to talk to me on the phone instead of texting. apparently my dad is working durin...

hey! thanks for your replies, Mo, and all that info, too. I just texted my dad back asking for my debit card, and he's read it, but he hasn't replied after I asked what time he's free. and I replied to my mom letting her know that I'd let her know if I needed a ride and "thanks". I think m...

hey Mo! yeah, that's a good idea actually, since i'm kinda afraid they will. I'll get that first before I tell them anything else (it's gonna be so rough though, since they'll want a hug from me and the idea of showing them affection makes me so nauseous right now). and i don't know where in their a...

okay, that totally makes sense, i'll add those extra things in. thank you so much for taking the time to write to me even though you're busy, Redskies! also, because of my mom sending that "nice apology" text, i think i'm just gonna have to send my parents an email once-and-for-all explain...

UPDATE: my mom just sent me a "nice" text about apologizing for not telling me dad wasn't gonna be home for christmas and that "if [you] need a ride on christmas just let us know. have fun on xmas eve with your friends! love you" and I don't know what's going on anymore. she's do...

thanks so much, Redskies! it means a lot for you to say all those things and to validate my experiences and feelings like that. well, the only thing is my dad texted me earlier today asking "are you okay? <3" and I really don't wanna respond... but also my new debit card came in the mail t...